Guiding Light

No, not the soap opera. Strangely, I never got into Soaps, despite being addicted to trashy romance novels and being home during the day. I refer to guiding light as the role I see parents should play in their childrens' lives.

The period we live in is one of extreme political correctness, particularly in Washington, D.C. Somehow, liberal and Democrat have become synonymous with an open mindeness and a wariness to promote any single lifestyle or morality over another. So loathe are we to offend anyone, we often don't even know what beliefs we do stand for anymore. There is no black and white, just one big melting pot of gray.

This liberalism has translated itself into parenting. I don't just mean parents who are unwilling to discipline their children for fear of hindering creative souls or being the bad-guy. I also see parents shying away from offering a moral compass or guiding light.

For example, when children are under the age of 5, and older, I strongly believe that parents have the right and the responsibility to monitor and control details of their lives. This pertains to television programs, movies, playdates, toys and activities. Do not assume, because your child sounds like a rational, articulate adult that they actually are. Just because they can give you a five paragraph essay on why they want to see the new Spiderman movie, does not mean they are ready for it. It is ok to say no.

Lessons Matt and I try to teach our children:
1. Religion is important, not just spiritual belief, but every day practice. We teach this by sending them to a Jewish school, keeping a kosher home and observing a Sabbath meal.

2. Taking responsibility for your actions is key. I tell them all the time that I am more angry if they lie about writing on the wall with crayon then them writing on the wall. The lesson is then followed through by handing him a Magic Eraser and making them attempt to clean their mess up.

3. We live in a Community. We are part of a lot of different communities- our family, our school, our neighborhood and our city. It is important to be a giving and active member of all communities.

4. A sense of humor. Life is wacky- have fun.

Oh Say can you Say

It is so fun living with a 2 and 4 year old. They keep me on my toes and make me laugh with the things they say. For example a list of funny conversations & comments today include:

Nate: "Does Grandpa keep kosher?"
Me: "No"
Nate: "Well crackers are kosher."
Me: "Yes"
Nate: "And Grandpa keeps crackers."

Jacob: "I'm not Jacob, I'm the Captain!"

Nate: "When Jacob gets sick & dies, can I take a bath alone."
Me: "God Forbid!" If you want a bath alone so badly, just ask.
Nate: "I mean when we're old."

Jacob: (Marching and stamping his feet) "I'm a Gallimimus!"

Screw Up #87

I screwed up yesterday, but I truly blame the media. The weatherreporters were reporting news of a great storm coming in today. Filled with schadenfreude, they talked of ice, delay and general mayhem.

So sure were they of this storm, I went to the supermarket and sent Matt to Child's PLAY (the best toy store in DC) to stock up on some new games if we were going to be stuck indoors for 2 days.

Stupid me told Nate where Daddy had gone and what he had bought, so now there is no storm, and Nate is begging whining and pleading to see the new games. oy va voy, do I give in and let him play. WHY did I tell him anything. I can never keep my big mouth shut!

OK, Nate's turn to type:



NATE JAGUAR MATT SUPERMAN JACOB BOB

Poor baby

I am sure everyone here has heard the news about Anna Nicole Smith's death. The whole thing is so strange- first her son dies just a few days after she gives birth, then she dies. I am curious about the cause of death.

My guess is that the grief over her son's death combined with post-partum depression did her in. Though it is hard for me to imagine not fighting for your life when you have a new baby to take care of.

Now of course, the big question is who gets custody of the baby girl. Forgive me for cynicism, but I can almost see the dollar signs in the claimants eyes, not genuine concern for a baby with no mommy and fathers of dubious claims.

It is so frustrating to me, I almost want to jump in, divide the money between everyone wanting a stake, and just take the baby out of the mess and raise her away from the Meshuggah. I would think everyone would thank me, as no one seems to actually want to raise the baby, just her money.

If this travesty of parenting and family ties continues, I think we can reliably look forward to news stories 18 years hence about Anna Nicole's progeny getting into scrapes.

slugs

ZAslug slug slugabed. It is cold and rainy, and we are on the couch and have not moved. Nate is curled up next to me, and we're snuggling and watching tv. He has a cold, so I am using it as an excuse to hang out on the couch for hours at a time. Lazy daze. So lazy, I am going to let him do a blog entry:

zzzannmzzzqqxxxxrrrrr66555aaaaeeeqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqlinfdhnnnnhh hhhhhhhhh.

Very good Nate. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaazzanmsssssssszzzqqq1aa5nbbmopiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyeasssssssssssssssss eeeessq

Where to begin

Boys & Girls, calm yourselves I am back from winter hiatus. Back along with all the great shows like Heroes, Ugly Betty and Battlestar Galactica. We nearly had a big problem since Blogger finally integrated with Google, requiring a sign in using Google passwords. I do have one, but it took a while to remember it.

I am finding more and more that I am losing my mind- not going insane or anything, just losing my memory. It started when I was pregnant with Nate. I just got more absent-minded. After he was born it got really bad, and I could not remember or focus on anything other than his last nursing schedule. It got a little better, but now I just feel as though my brain has gone slightly spongy.

I can recite the name of every member of Bob the Builder's team, recognize every child in Nate's class and name at least 17 different species that reside in the rainforest. However, I have lost the ability to remember any computer/internet account password. I don't remember what I am doing in a room half the time, even though I am sure I walked in to do something purposeful. I throw a load of laundry in, forget it is there and don't remember until days later. I rarely know what day of the week it is, even though I need to since we have a different activity & schedule each day that rely on me being somewhere to pick or drop a child off.

Is this because I am not working and don't have an Outlook calendar in front of me 9 hours a day, or are there mothering hormones that cause my brain to do this? Or, is there something more insidious going on and I should get on Alzheimers meds now!

Matt is getting annoyed with me since he thinks I am just not concentrating or listening. But truly, I am. I just can't seem to hold onto a thought more than a few minutes. And, while many of you may be sniggering about my reckless high-school/college extra-curricular activities; let me remind you that, "It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day. "

Is anyone else experiencing this "Mom" brain, or do I need to call a doctor. What kind of doctor do you call anyway for memory loss? Email me answers, since I won't remember any phone calls!

The Last

I have been feeling a bit sad, or rather, nostalgic lately. Recently we decided nearly 99% that we are finished having kids. We like having our family of four, and I have no desire to be pregnant or deal with a newborn anytime in the foreseeable future.

Though I am comfortable with our decision, I keep getting pangs of sadness now that Jacob has turned two and is transitioning into new experiences. Two weeks ago, our Gymboree sessions ended, and I realized I was not ever going back. No more dancing with Gymbo or shaking and stopping the parachute. Unless I have another baby or a birthday party, there is no reason to go to Musikids or Gymboree ever again. Suddenly, it struck me as a big life transition. I am the mom of two boys, not babies.

In just a few short years, or year, weekends will be filled with soccer games and getting homework done on Sunday nights. Jacob starts preschool next month, and though I am excited for him, I suddenly feel unsure about my baby leaving the nest.

As one friend commented last night, it is not that things go downhill from here, it is just that they are different hills. I really like that analogy. The baby/preschool years have definitly felt like a hill we've been climbing, and now Nate is nearly finished and Jacob is halfway up the hill. I like feeling that there are many more hills to climb as a family rather than plateauing out.

Things that make ya go 'hmmmm'

Usually I try not be a judgemental parent. I will admit it, I fail about 50% of the time. By judgemental, I, of course, mean judging other parents, not my own children! It is catty and a waste of time, but it is every new (by new I mean within 5 years) parent's favorite activity.

"Did you see how they dressed their son! No hat, and it is 65 degrees out!"

"I can't believe they hired that nanny, I would NEVER let my kids play with her. She is not bilingual!"

Often the judgements are made by very new parents of babies under a year old. They are sure they will NEVER give out lollipops to get a few minutes of extra quiet grocery shopping time. Or will never let their kids eat only chicken nuggets three times a day.

Tonight I had a moment of judgement, and I feel badly, because perhaps the parents had a really good reason, but I just can't see it.

Our favorite Sunday night dinner is an all-you-can-eat Kaitan sushi bar in Bethesda. For one price (kids 4 & under eat Free!), you can pull off plates of food moving along a conveyor belt and get sushi, fruit, edamame, tempura etc... The boys LOVE it, because they love sushi and the food moves by train. Could life get any better?

So tonight, we walked in, and there was another family with two young boys (sitting at our usual table I might add), and both boys had their own portable DVD players they were using to watch shows. I shrugged it off, thinking it was a pretty good, if extravangant, table toy to occupy them till their food arrived. (often parents don't do the conveyor and order chicken teriyaki for kids, if the kids don't have educated palates like my darlings).

The boys food never arrived. They ate no food except random bites of rice the parents occasionally shoved in their mouths. I will say the boys were nicely behaved and quiet. The parents got to eat and have adult conversation. But, as Matt pointed out, they could have /should have stayed home and done delivery sushi if they wanted sushi that badly.

Our boys know how to eat in a restaurant because we practice that behavior. We eat out a minimum of 1 time a week, and rarely in a "kid" restaurant. We go at 5:00, are usually alone in the restaurant, but they learn to sit, order food, wait, and eat with table manners.

Obviously, it is not always beautifully executed. Sake Club will need to dry clean their seat cushions (if not replace), we have broken at least 3 glasses at Matuba, the juke box at American City Diner has maple syrup in it, Dino has a rainbow of crayon markings on their table, and the list goes on, but the majority of the time, I feel confident going to a restaurant, because I set my expectation high. Reasonable, but high.

I expect my children to sit down at the table, choose between 1-2 options I present from the menu, talk or color quietly till the food arrives, and eat nicely once it does. I actually hate when waiters do us a "favor" and bring the kids food first. This just means they eat and are finished, leaving me to wolf down my food when they are clamoring to leave.

By setting the bar low and expecting your children to not be able to sit at a table and eat interesting food without the help of a DVD, I can't see how they will ever manage the task. That's just my judgemental 2 cents.

The Unbirthday Party

I have been giggling to myself now for 2 days about something silly I did. First, I need to give some background...For the past 3 years, I have been in a playgroup with the same group of women. We have met weekly for lunch and playtime with our children. The kids are friends, and the moms are friends, so a good time is had by all.

This week, playgroup happened to fall on one of the woman's birthdays. I thought it would be fun to host playgroup and turn it into a surprise birthday party. Well, the surprise was on us. After doing some email planning and buying a birthday cake (personalized of course), one of the other moms remembered that the birthday girl was not only not coming to playgroup; she was out of the country with her husband on a business trip!

So there we were, 4 moms and 7 kids singing Happy Birthday to someone not in the room! The kids thought it was hysterical, and so did we. Luckily, I did not go totally crazy and get the big bunch of balloons and decorations hung up.

Tick or Teat

I think one of my favorite parts of being a mom is that I get to go trick-or-treating again. I always loved it as a kid, and it is almost better as an adult, cause I dont have to dress up unless I want to and I still get all the candy. Oh the joys of having naive toddlers who sleep while Mommy rifles through their loot bags, disposes of the crap candy and eats the good stuff. They have no sense that they are missing one of their 4 snickers in the morning. They are not even sure what a Snickers is.

Watching Jacob trick-or-treat was hysterical. At first he sat in the stroller (no costume- I have always maintained that they do not get a costume until they can fully verbalize what they wish to dress as). He did not move until Nate came back and handed him a piece of candy. He at this happily until the third house at which point he wanted more candy. It was not until the 6th house that he realized that the people at each house were handing out candy if you said, "trick or treat!"

Then he was unstoppable. He was dogging Nate's feet three yards behind shouting "tick teat" at every door and happily trying to open every candy item he recieved. I think he would have gone all night if Nate and I had not declared an end.

Thus, our decision was easily made as to the theme of Jacob's birthday party next month. It will be Dessert/Candy party. There is a reason Jacob's nickname is "Chocolate-Jacob" He has an insatiable sweet tooth. I think he will be thrilled to have a party with sweets. The other moms may not love it though. Too bad.

Am I a Helicopter parent?

I keep hearing the term, helicopter parent and more and more, I am getting the uncomfortable feeling that I have inadvertantly joined the ranks of hovering, swooping parents. I never meant to be this way, and I am not even sure I am . I definitly used to be. When Nate was a baby, I was so hypervigilant and anal retentive about parenting him; I never relaxed and enjoyed it.

I am hopeful that I have relaxed somewhat and let my children just be. I am engaging in discussions of Wendy Mogel's, Blessings of a Skinned Knee;" the uber parenting "it" book of the moment. I just can't seem to find the balance between caring, involved parent and helicopter parent.

To be fair, Nate does not seem to let me find a balance. When I go to drop him off someplace he hangs on and panics. For example, we are participating in a sports class 1 afternoon a week. All the other 4 year olds, walk in and join the class. My son sits with me and runs after me if I attempt to leave. He will not participate unless I do too. Now, is this a question of me hovering and giving in to his anxiety? What are my alternatives? If I just leave and let him freak out, like I used to at preschool, I would be leaving him with a coach who has 15 other kids to worry about. We are on the 3rd class and he is improving in participation each class. My hope is he will get better each time to the point I can drop him off.

I wish there was a test. Remember the Purity test back from high shool and college? It was about 100 questions asking questions ranging from drugs to sex. Add up your score to see how you rank in purity among your peers. I wish there was a Helicopter Parenting Test. It would ask questions like:
1. Do you co-sleep?
2. Did you make your own baby food?
3. When your child falls down, how quickly do you pick him up?

What questions would you have on a Helicopter parenting test? Consider this a call for questions? How would you score? Are you laid back, hyper-vigilant, neutral?

Going Gray

Nate is a worry wart. If all is sunny in the world, he will find something to stress over. He is currently worried about getting old, specifically gray hair. A few months ago, as I mentioned, my Grandma died. Nate was reassured that people die when they are ,"very, very, very old."

A few days ago, he saw someone with gray hair and asked about it. I told him that peoples' hair turns gray as they get older, and that Grandma has gray hair and Bubbe has gray hair, and that I would get gray hair in a few years. (I then had to add that Grandma and Bubbe put special, "paint chemicals" in their hair to make it brown.) He thought about it for a few minutes, that sobbed, "I don't want you to die. I will miss you!"

He definitly equated gray hair=old=death. Though, I am sure many women feel that way when plucking their first gray roots, I had to comfort him that bodies change as they grow. Then we had a long talk about how his body had changed as he had grown. We looked at pictures from his baby photo album and compared his baby body to his current body. No hair, fat, wiggly arms, no teeth, much shorter.

I love and I hate these parenting moments, because they how insight into his mind and allow us to share a teachable moment. But, they also remind me of how in control I am of his perceptions and his phenomenology. It is a scary and powerful thing to be a teacher and parent.

Preschool Politics

Nate has been in school a full week now and he seems to like it. Several of the children in his class were also in his class last year. One of the girls was a big admirer of Nate's last year and we had one or two drop-off playdates with her, despite Nate inexplicably professing his dislike for her.

He had told me clearly that he was not interested in playdates with her, but I overrode him since I am friendly with her mother. I was fascinated to watch their interactions during the playdate expecting to see her annoy Nate or be otherwise ubnoxious. However, she was totally sweet and adorable in her attempts to engage Nate in play. Nate however totally ignored her and gave her the cut-direct as he played with other toys. For the life of me, I could not see what his problem with her was, but it was clear he wanted nothing to do with her.

So, they are together again, and apparently, she is begging her mom for Nate playdates and talking about Nate. Nate, however, was unimpressed and said he was "too busy with work for a playdate with her. He could however take some time off for a playdate with Ben or Oren. "

Now, what do I do? I smile politely and noncommitally each time the mom mentions a playdate, cause how can I tell her that my son does not like her friendly and adorable daughter! Any ideas? help!

I also find it amusing that girls always seem to choose the wrong guys for them. Somewhere in the preschool, there is a little boy begging his mom for playdates with Nate's spurned girlfriend!

Chubby Chase Day!!

I love my neighborhood. The other day, the boys & I walked (not drove) to Ct. Ave to get them a haircut, return our library books, buy some sneakers & grab some lunch. How lovely to walk and do all our errands on 2 blocks.

Though DC is a large and diverse community, walking through our neighborhood feels like Smalltown USA. We ran into 3 friends out walking their errands too, and to our delight ran into friends at lunch and were able to join them to eat.

After spending a week in Los Angeles, my love for DC and my neighborhood was renewed two-fold. I forgot what a big concrete jungle LA is. You have to really search for beauty and green serenity. It felt like we were always in a car, and you could not even walk a few blocks to run errands. Even driving on the Beltway here is so much prettier thanks to green medians and tree surrounds.

But, getting back to my neighborhood, today was Chevy Chase. Or, "Chubby Chase Day" as Nate called it. A good chunk of the community gathered at the main st. to watch a parade and bounce on moonbounces and paint faces. All the stores had sidewalk sales & the restaurants had cheap deals. We had perfect weather and we had a ball. Ironically, I only ran into one friend. We even got to schmooze with all the mayoral and ward 3 candidates. I have met the top 3 candidates for mayor, so it will feel very personal whoever wins since I have met him or her. (though personally I am rooting for Marie Johns. To learn why I am rooting for her, see her website at http://www.johnsformayor.com/.)

OK, off my soap box now, I have to go get Nate ready for his 1st day of school tomorrow!

The former USSR on Northampton St.

My boys have really wide feet. I can't go to the local Payless and spend $12 on character shoes for them. Oh no, nothing but Stride Rite or Geox for my little darlings' toesies. At $50/per I like a little fashion for my money.

Nate is outgrowing the need for light-up fire trucks and dinosaurs. Jacob is growing into that phase. So, when my boys need shoes, like most Upper NW moms, I head for the local kids shoe store on Northampton St. You all know where I am talking about.

The store is an institution. I think most DC NW kids get their first pair of Robeez or walkers there. However, recently, I have come to the conclusion that this store is like restaurants in the Soviet Union in the Eighties.

As a child, my husband traveled with his family to the USSR. Think Cold War, Glasnost, just starting. Matt told me that they would go to restaurants with 3-4 page detailed menus, but when they went to order, only 2-3 things would actually be available.

That has been my experience everytime I shop for shoes at this particular store. They have walls and walls of choices, but never actually the shoe I want in the right size. I always end up with some plain ugly white leather sneaker.

Today I resisted the temptation to just buy them anyway. I stood firm and said, "No, thanks!" So, now I am headed to the River Road shoe store with the Rocket shoe (you know the one). Or, I may try New Balance.

Wish me luck.

this had a funny title which I forgot

I wanted to write about babysitters and nannies. Matt came up with a hysterical title. Now we both forgot it. Damn. But, I can still write about the topic.

A few weeks ago, I turned onto a street in my neighborhood and saw a toddler strapped in her stroller sitting by herself on the sidewalk. I realized it was my friends daughter. I pulled over and waited for her nanny to show up. And waited. And parallel parked. And waited a bit more. It was about 3 minutes total. The front door of the house was open and the nanny had obviously run in for a forgotten item. But man, it would scare me to leave my kids like that.

I have not told my friend yet. I meant to, but she is really a passing aquaintence, and I dont know her style. Maybe she leaves her daughter on the sidewalk too. It is a friendly neighborhood.

I have no real point here but to generally point out the need for quality childcare in America. We pay a lot of money to women who have no real training in childcare, child development, education or any related field. In most cases, these nannies want to be in America and this is a highpaying job that requires no college degree. Strangely, the childcare providers with college degrees work at certified daycares where they make a lot less money.

After college, I interviewed at a reputable daycare and the pay was pittance for working 8am to 6 pm! Turnover at daycares is high and no wonder. However, these young, educated and enthusiastic teachers prefer doing daycare than private nanny because of the reputation of the job. Many people perceive nanny as a demeaning job, not a career. Yet, childcare teacher is a prefectly respectable job. If you took a survey of college seniors and asked them if they would consider being a professional nanny, the results would be a resounding no. However, ask that same group if they would consider a career as a day care center teacher, many would consider it.

They just don't know the true job descriptions:

Job 1: hours 9-5 or 8:30-6 . Take care of less than 3 children. Determine your own schedule. Lunch with friends and their charges (usually paid for by your employer.) Picnic in the park. Take a break while the kids go to art or karate class. some light housekeeping. Make $12-$15 an hour, often with health care benefits. 2-3 weeks paid vacation of your choosing, in addition to vacations when your employers leave town.

Job 2: hours 8-6 or 7-5. Take care of 8-10 children. Follow a strict schedule- work extra hours on lesson plans and prep work. No lunch break, other than eating at a tiny table with your charges eating nast beany weenies and chicken nuggets. Housekeeping including- diaper changing, clean up after meals, preparing the meals, cleaning the toys, washing down tables, floors. 10 days vacation, generally not during holidays. Pay- $7.50-$10/hour. Health care included.

Which job are you taking? Job 1? Yeah, me too!

Happy Birthday to You!!

Seriously, I am alive, I just took a break from updating for a while. Sorry to all my avid readers, and apparently, there actually are some.

Anyway, just to catch you up since I last wrote;
1. Jacob is still screeching before and during dinner. At least it makes me lose my appetite, so maybe I will lose the last few pregnancy pounds.
2. Nate had his 4th birthday party- which I will write about
3. We are planning a west coast 2 week jaunt, which I am beginning to dread. I dont want to live out of a suitcase for 2 weeks in a hotel room! But, we will see some great stuff.

So about Nate's birthdays... I will admit it, I get totally, ridiculously carried away. For his 1st birthday, we had a "Chicka Chicka Birthday" (A play on the Bill Martin, Lois Ehlert book, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom). Obviously, that is not a theme you can find at the local party store, so I made hand-cut paper invitations and invited everyone I knew with kids. Nate was completely overwhelmed and spent the entire party with his head in our housekeepers lap. (She was an invited guest, as she had young kids). We had alphabet cookies, and alphabet pretzels and alphabet everything.

I calmed down slightly for his second birthday, and did a "Planes, Trains & Automobiles" theme, which was easier to find stuff for. I only went slightly bananas on the gift bags and was searching dollar stores 3 months before his party for cars and books about cars.

I got bitten by the smart bug in 2005 and outsourced his birthday party. I simply wrote a check to a local kids gym and had a Dora the Explorer birthday party (it killed me to do a tv theme party after my 2 previous creative themes), but I will admit, it was super easy. After all, I just wrote a check- the gym went to the party store and got everything Dora. I did go slightly crazy over the invitations. I could not simply get the ugly Dora fill in the blank teeny invite cards. I went to the paper store and got gorgeous heavy weight lime-green paper with bright purple envelopes. Then the invitation read, "Come on Vamanos, everybody let's go to...Nate's party!" It had Dora stickers on the envelope.

This year was much trickier, Nate wanted a Rainforest Party. Then he wanted a Superman party, then a swimming party, then so on and so on. We settled on a rainforest party, but I did not know where to hold it or what to do for it. After last year's easy party, I did not want to have it at my house, so I scheduled a swim party then changed my mind. (I did not want to cut cake in a wet bathing suit) Then made plans for a hiking party at a nature center., then decided it would be too hot. Finally, we settled on a party at the National Aquarium. It was perfect. It was low key, just a few kids were in town for it, so the numbers were not overwhelming.

Now I just have 12 months to plan for number 5. I can't wait to see what he is into next year. His parties are really emblematic of where his interests lie. I also see his birthday as my anniversary of becoming a parent, so perhaps that is why I make such a big deal over them.

What do you do for your kids' birthdays? Have you or anyone you know gone really over the top? Although many would consider spending $100 for renting the aquarium + $75 on gift bags, paper goods, art supplies +$70 on food over the top.

tinntinitis

My darling Jacob is funny, cute and very smart. I love watching him explore his world and kissing his cheekers. However, around 5:00 pm every night for the past few months I would happily toss him down the basement steps and lock the door, and I dont even believe in spanking.

Poor, Poor Jacob begins to shriek and sob while I try to cook dinner and it continues until bath time. Nothing consoles him except me picking him up and resting his head on my shoulder. Obviously, I just love to do this as I attempt to cook dinner, set the table and occupy Nate. It got so bad the other night, Nate put his head on the table and whimpered then asked to go to school where no one screamed.

I am at wits end. I have tried adusting his nap- perhaps he is getting to much sleep to close to dinner. I have tried giving him a snack before dinner, perhaps he got too hungry. I have tried ignoring him, eventually he would stop right? Wrong? 45 minutes he went until I could not take it anymore and had to pick him up. He stood at my legs the whole time, hanging on as I made dinner. I can't wear him in a sling; my back still has not recovered from pregnancy.

I took him to the doctor, perhaps there is something very wrong? Nothing obvious, and I am not subjecting him to a spinal tap to check for West Nile Virus.


HElp! Help! Any ideas? I know he will out grow this, but meanwhile our family is miserable at dinner.

fitting in

I think we all remember our tween years with anxiety. For some of us it is with a shudder if we were not in the In crowd, and for those of us who were in the In crowd, one may shudder remembering how precarious a position we held. Pre-teens are vicious.

My sons are 4 & 1 respectively, so I clearly have some time to worry about social pressures, but even at their young ages, I can already see things forming and am wondering how or should I attempt to mold them.

For example, all of Nate's friends signed up for soccer practice together one day a week. Nate was pretty clear in his lack of desire to attend, so I did not sign him up. However, I can see special friendships and athletic ability emerging out of that class. Will this have long-term repercussions for my son who may be better placed in a science or computer class?

As an adult, it is easier not to worry. I know my son will find his place in the world and get comfortable in his skin. The fabulous, interesting and often handsome men I worked with in previous jobs were definitly not in popular sport cliques in high-school. They found their way in college and went on to MBAs and C-level positions. However, there are a lot of intervening years of social anxiety and angst.

I am just wondering what my role as a parent is. Obviously, I will support my son in anything (well, nearly anything, if he chops up another human, I will NOT help him escape to Israel). But what can I do to ease his path through the treacherous middle school years. Should I sign him up for sports classes? Or steer his interest to science and nature, which is already strong? I think I will offer a smorgasboard and let him select when he is older.

I do think sports are important and I played basketball and volleyball throughout high school. The competition and athleticism are important to me. I am fine if he does a non-traditional sport such as martial arts or skateboarding or swimming. I just dont know how to help him find his niche?

Shabbat Shalom...Hey!

Just a quick note before the sun sets and the Sabbath begins...

I realized today that I DID go back to work. I somehow took on the monthly preschool newsletter, both the writing and the conversion from paper to an electronic format. My friends (put that in quotes) volunteered me for the Craft fair committee (or crap fair as one friend put it). I am still working part-time as marketing director for the basketball program (check out www.bfbasketballacademy.com) and I am attempting to write a book.

And, on the side I am take care of 2 boys with less than 10 hours of childcare per week. Um, I may as well go back to an office full-time and get benefits. But, who write's the newsletters in Linda Hirshman's world. It is what makes my son's preschool a community rather than a simple school. I like the Kehilla.