No Harry Potter Spoilers- I promise

It would be remiss of me not to mention the major event of the last week, since many of you know me to be a HUGE Harry Potter fan. Of course I finished it within 12 hours of its release, but I promise, no spoilers. The release of Deathly Hallows was a large event, in part because it caused many fans to reflect on the last ten years of their life since the first book came out. (or whenever they became a fan)

I first read Harry Potter in 1998. I read book 1 & 2 in a weekend. Matt & I were on vacation when book 3 came out and we sat by the pool in Palm Beach and read. When we moved to Pasadena, I attended the midnight release party for Book 4 and stayed up all night reading. We were back in DC for books 5 & 6 and Matt waited on line for me at Borders. I had a new baby and was not waiting up. Same goes for book 7. There was no midnight party for me nor, reading till dawn.

Thus, my earlier point about the reflection of life's changes since Philosopher's/Sorcerers Stone. I know many teenagers and young adults are reading The Deathly Hallows and reflecting on their accomplishments similar to Harry's at age 17. Though there are no O.W.L.s for them or battles with Dark Wizards, there are SATs, college applications and first jobs to contend with. All are big changes from the Bar mitzvahs, acne and driving tests they had while reading the earlier books.

For adults the changes are not as pronounced, but they are there.The vacation we took for Book 3 was to celebrate my Grandmother's 80th birthday. She has since passed away. I had no children for Books 1-4. I had one child for books 5 & 6. For book seven, I have two children, and not just babies; children old enough to recognize Harry Potter on the cover of the book and in all the posters around town.

I have a feeling we have not heard the last of JK Rowling and her wonderful world of wizardry. I can't wait to see where I am in life when we next meet up with the next Hogwarts generation

Office Politics

Gossip seems to be human nature. In sixth grade it's all about who likes each other. In eleventh grade, it's who slept with each other. Same goes for college. When you graduate to an office environment, bed-partners remains a top subject, but in the interest of professionalism, much discussion occurs about work-place politics. Cubicle placement, firings, hirings, promotions etc... all come under the scrutiny of employees.

So what happens when women, who have been in the workplace leave? What do they discuss? Well, as one of those women, I can tell you...Pre-school politics. We hash it all under our plastic, safety microscopes. In fact, I just recieved an email, hot off the presses, about class placement in Nate's preschool.

One teacher left for personal reasons. The director shifted around classes and teachers and class names. There will be emails and phone calls flying tonight regarding the changes and hypothesis about class placement and the right place for our child.

So, for all those worried about women leaving the workforce in droves. Do not fear. We are keeping our skills sharpened for our eventual return.

Can a 4 year old be sexist?

I am not sure whether it is developmental or a precursor of things to come, but Nate has become a bit of a sexist pig lately. For example, today he announced, "Boys are faster runners than girls." When discussing his upcoming birthday party, he is quite clear that he wants no "girl" things in the goody bags. "Nothing pink or princess!," he announced with disdain dripping from each syllable uttered. When picking colors for cups or shovels etc... he chooses BLUE, cause pink is for girls! He is also taking it into more serious actions, by choosing only to play with boys at school. He wants nothing to do with the girls. I know this is a stage most boys and girls reach, but I am a bit concerned about his emphatic nature regarding gender.

I am trying to fight this by reminding him that some girls like pink and some like blue. Some boys like pink and some like blue. I really dont know where his stereotyping is coming from. Both Matt & I try to be really careful about gender roles and expectations. Yet, somehow gender pervasive myth has crept into Nate's vocabulary.

It may be the shows he watches on tv, but somehow I dont think so. His favorite show is Bindi the Jungle girl- a reality show about Bindi Irwin, heir apparent to the Croc hunter. Clearly, a strong female character. His superhero fetish isn't contributing either. He knows Wonderwoman can kick some serious butt. So where do kids get their ideas? Where is Nate learning that all girls like princesses, pink and tea parties?

Should I back off and attribute this to typical (almost) 5 year old behavior? Or, do I fight battle after battle reminding him that it is ok for girls to play soccer and boys can dance like Angelina Ballerina? Any thoughts? Ideas?

My Poor Baby

Jacob had surgery today. He had ear tubes put in and his adenoids removed. Poor little guy. We debated how much to tell him prior to the surgery. Since he is only 2 1/2, we did not think he would understand much, so we just told him we were going to the doctor, and Dr. Jack would fix his ears.

Several friends' children had this done, and they warned the hardest part was seeing them go under the anaesthesia. We only have one car, so Matt & I had to juggle responsibilties on surgery day. I thought about it, and I chose the cowardly route. I just did not think I could watch one of my babies get put to sleep. Matt took Jacob & I waited at home with Nate. Once Nate was picked up, I raced to the hospital in time to be there when Jacob woke up.

Is there anything worse than seeing your child sick? And thank god I don't know from truly sick.

OK, I am off. It has been a tiring day getting covered in tears and vomit.

I am still here

Matt just teased me that the last time I posted we only had one kid! Well, it has only been a a few weeks, and nothing much is new.

things to do

DC is an amazing city. No matter your interests, it has something for you. This past year my family has really taken advantage of our city's amenities, and I thought it would be useful to my local readers to highlight some of our favorites.

INDOOR:

1. The Building Musuem- A large, beautiful building with hands-on kids activities.
2. The Natural History Museum- Hall of Mammals is great. Dinosaurs can be a bit scary.
3. Leland Community Center- Sorry DC, Montgomery county takes the prize for this clean community center that offers up affordable sports, arts and toddler programs. Additionally, they have open gym time and a nice playground.
4. Noyes Children's Library- Again, sorry DC, Montgomery county libraries have more books, cleaner spaces and librarians that know children's books.
5. Rock Creek Nature Center & Plantetarium- They have nice children's programming.
6. Family Days at any of the art museums. They are free and it is a Fabulous way to introduce young children to art museums. Our Favorites are National Gallery- East Wing, (the IM Pei building) and the Corcoran.
7. Free theater Saturday mornings at the National Theater.
8. Chuck E Cheese- during the week at 9 am, before the crowds get there

Outdoor- Although, most people do not think of DC as a nature lovers paradise, Rock Creek Park and the Potomac offer up an amazing amount of hikes even our toddlers can do.

1. Hains Point
2. Roosevelt Island- only go in the spring or Fall. Summer is too hot & buggy
3. Any of the trails in Rock creek, particularly ones leading into...
4. The National Zoo
5. Great Falls- MD side
6. Clemyjontri park- this is the BEST park I have ever been to. Period. Full stop.
7. Watermine Water park in Herndon, VA
8. Eating popsicles at the Scupture garden in between the National Gallery of Art & Natural History Musuem- though Hirshorn scultpture garden is nice too.
9. Homestead Farm for apple or berry picking.

Places to cool off on hot DC summer days:
1. See above- Watermine park
2. Spray fountains next to Clydes & Giffords ice cream on Wisconsin Ave & Western
3. The fountain in the circle of the Hirshorn Museum. It goes low, then high, then LOOK OUT!
4. The Avalon movie theater- Saturday morning children's matinees. The best are the days they show Scholastic DVDS.

ok, sorry to my most loyal readers, all who live outside of the Beltway (like thousands of miles outside), but this list was on my mind. Does anyone have any places to contribute that I missed?

-Linda

To Gift or not to gift. That is the question.

I can't remember who was called the "Me" generation, but it seems that my generation is trying to help our children become the "Give-back" generation. I think it is a positive and wonderful thing that my children are expected to give Tzedakah (roughly translated as charity or justice) each week at their school, have made sandwiches for the homeless and marched in various rallies and fundraisers around town. We are trying not to spoil our children and to give them a sense of appreciation at their good fortune.

However, are we going too far when we disallow presents at birthday parties? A few months ago, my sister-in-law attended a "birthday party" in her hometown of Denver. I put the birthday party in quotes, because there were no invitations. An email was sent telling guests to meet at the Denver Children's museum. The birthday family did not rent the party room, they did not have a birthday cake, and they requested no presents. All this fuss, just for a three year old! My 3 year old niece was confused; she walked into the Museum's party space where another toddler was celebrating with cake and invited herself to celebrate with them.

Recently we attended 2 birthday parties where it was requested that no birthday presents be given. At one party, we were instructed to bring a wrapped book for an exchange. Each child left the party with a new book- goody bags and birthday presents taken care of! At the other party, the invitation clearly stated no presents, but each party guest left with a treasure box full of goodies.

So, what's going on here? Are modern-day parents, frightened of articles in Parenting magazines about 10 year olds with iPods, PS2s, X-Boxes and cell phones, reacting by shunning gifts. Are we so worried that we are spoiling our own children, we won't allow others to give them gifts?

Could it be simply that playrooms are full to the brim with more toys than our children can possibly play with. I know I certainly don't want more toys to have to clean up. So, now, what is a parent to do? Personally, I want others to buy my kids gifts for their birthdays. My boys take such pleasure in unwrapping them. Plus, it has been a whole year since their toys were updated, and they have gone through a lot of developmental changes. The 40 piece puzzles need to upgrade to 100 pieces, Candyland should be swapped for Scrabble, and Bob the Builder is out; make way for soccer balls.

Granted, buying presents for a whole class is an expensive proposition. Perhaps the money spent buying a stranger's child a present would be better spent buying one for my own children, whose interests and closet I am familiar with.

Nate's party invitations will go out in a month or so, and I don't want to be the only venal mom not putting a "no gift" policy on his invitation. Any thoughts? What is going on in your community.

The birds and the bees

No, the boys have not asked me the magic question yet, but I can feel it coming any day. Nate and I have been playing a RPG (Role Play Game) on the computer about a zoo. We get to place animals in the zoo together and eventually baby animals are born. Nate has learned that there must be a boy animal and a girl animal and they "mate." So far, no questions for the definition of mate. What will I say? He is WAAY too young for the whole answer. His naivete and youth was emphasized for me yesterday during a silly conversation with his brother. It went something like this:

Nate: "Jacob, is Ducky Dino a girl or boy?" (Ducky Dino is Jacob's Lovey)

Jacob: "Ducky Dino is a tyrannosaurus Rex."

Nate: "But is he a girl T-Rex or a boy T-rex?"

Me: "Nate, I don't think Jacob knows the difference between boys & girls yet." (yet strangely, he knows the difference between a T-rex and an Ankylosaurus)

Nate: ponders this for a long second as if he understood the responsibility of answering one of life's more complex problems to his baby brother, and says, "Jacob, girls have (insert long pause Nate thinking deeply, me waiting with bated breath) ponytails. Boys don't. So, is Ducky Dino a girl or a boy?"

Jacob: "He's a T-Rex!"

Pregnant, or just plain fat?

I am going to make like Valerie Bertinelli and come out with it. I am getting a tiny bit fat. After Jacob, I just never lost the pregnancy pooch. It is to the point that I have had a few questions about whether I am expecting again. I seem to carry all my weight in my belly and c-sections didn't help.

It says something about the view of fat in America or my self-esteem, that I think I would prefer telling people I am 4 months pregnant rather than saying I am just plain FAT! Ok, I am motivated now, I am off to ride the exercise bike.

And some more funny quotes from the boys

I apologize for this, since I don't usually use my blog as a forum to tell anecdotes about my children. Only grandparents usually enjoy these. But....since my mom is my most avid blog reader, I include these. So here goes:

Silly things the boys did or said today to make me laugh:

This morning I went to put on my diamond hoop earrings that I had left on my nightstand. They were not there. I shrugged it off assuming they were in my top secret, hidden, jewlery box (if you are a robber reading this, don't even THINK you'll find it). I did not bother to get them since I was late picking the boys up at school.

I did not give the earrings a second thought until bedtime tonight when Nate said, "Doesn't Momma Jaguar look beautiful?" Without looking, I replied in the affirmative. But then, Nate added, "She's wearing earrings, just like you do." Well, my head spun to look, and sure enough, there were my diamond huggies, perfectly clipped in his stuffed animal's ears. Matt & I laughed, because they were both there and undamaged. Then I found my junk jewlery box and swapped the good stuff for some plastic rhinestones.
________________________________
Jacob: "I'm not Jacob, I'm a volcano!"
______________________________________________
Dr. Williams: Hi, I'm Dr. Jack, who have we got here?
Jacob: I'm SUPREMO Guy! (Picture him shouting this, wearing his large plastic Duck hat and white gardening gloves)

Guiding Light 2: the feminist trakt

I took the boys to their sports class the other day. It is a mixed gender class, and at this age, the boys and girls are totally equal in abilities. If anything, the girls seem to have more hand/eye coordination. After class, on line for the water fountain, I heard one of the fathers joke to his 5 year old son, "Are you crying like a little girl?"

I stopped, annoyed that such blatant sexism still existed. I debated internally, 'should I say something?' I realized the dad probably did not realize how damaging that type of comment is. I was hopeful that no little girls in the vicinity heard.

Another time, I was at the toy store, and a little boy, maybe 2 years old, asked his father if he could get the broom and vacum cleaner playset. His father's response was, "that's a girl's toy." I nearly bit a hole in my tongue trying not to get in his face about it. "WHY is a broom a girls toy?" First, I did not realize that girls had to play with certain toys and boys had another set. Second, WHY are cleaning items in the female domain?

I will say that motherhood has opened my eyes to the hardwired differences between male & female. There are certain things that many, not all, boys seem to gravitate to naturally. But in general, Fathers, please think before speaking to your sons? Comments that equate weakness with little girl (throwing like a, crying like a, running like a little girl) are wrong.

Guiding Light

No, not the soap opera. Strangely, I never got into Soaps, despite being addicted to trashy romance novels and being home during the day. I refer to guiding light as the role I see parents should play in their childrens' lives.

The period we live in is one of extreme political correctness, particularly in Washington, D.C. Somehow, liberal and Democrat have become synonymous with an open mindeness and a wariness to promote any single lifestyle or morality over another. So loathe are we to offend anyone, we often don't even know what beliefs we do stand for anymore. There is no black and white, just one big melting pot of gray.

This liberalism has translated itself into parenting. I don't just mean parents who are unwilling to discipline their children for fear of hindering creative souls or being the bad-guy. I also see parents shying away from offering a moral compass or guiding light.

For example, when children are under the age of 5, and older, I strongly believe that parents have the right and the responsibility to monitor and control details of their lives. This pertains to television programs, movies, playdates, toys and activities. Do not assume, because your child sounds like a rational, articulate adult that they actually are. Just because they can give you a five paragraph essay on why they want to see the new Spiderman movie, does not mean they are ready for it. It is ok to say no.

Lessons Matt and I try to teach our children:
1. Religion is important, not just spiritual belief, but every day practice. We teach this by sending them to a Jewish school, keeping a kosher home and observing a Sabbath meal.

2. Taking responsibility for your actions is key. I tell them all the time that I am more angry if they lie about writing on the wall with crayon then them writing on the wall. The lesson is then followed through by handing him a Magic Eraser and making them attempt to clean their mess up.

3. We live in a Community. We are part of a lot of different communities- our family, our school, our neighborhood and our city. It is important to be a giving and active member of all communities.

4. A sense of humor. Life is wacky- have fun.

Oh Say can you Say

It is so fun living with a 2 and 4 year old. They keep me on my toes and make me laugh with the things they say. For example a list of funny conversations & comments today include:

Nate: "Does Grandpa keep kosher?"
Me: "No"
Nate: "Well crackers are kosher."
Me: "Yes"
Nate: "And Grandpa keeps crackers."

Jacob: "I'm not Jacob, I'm the Captain!"

Nate: "When Jacob gets sick & dies, can I take a bath alone."
Me: "God Forbid!" If you want a bath alone so badly, just ask.
Nate: "I mean when we're old."

Jacob: (Marching and stamping his feet) "I'm a Gallimimus!"

Screw Up #87

I screwed up yesterday, but I truly blame the media. The weatherreporters were reporting news of a great storm coming in today. Filled with schadenfreude, they talked of ice, delay and general mayhem.

So sure were they of this storm, I went to the supermarket and sent Matt to Child's PLAY (the best toy store in DC) to stock up on some new games if we were going to be stuck indoors for 2 days.

Stupid me told Nate where Daddy had gone and what he had bought, so now there is no storm, and Nate is begging whining and pleading to see the new games. oy va voy, do I give in and let him play. WHY did I tell him anything. I can never keep my big mouth shut!

OK, Nate's turn to type:



NATE JAGUAR MATT SUPERMAN JACOB BOB

Poor baby

I am sure everyone here has heard the news about Anna Nicole Smith's death. The whole thing is so strange- first her son dies just a few days after she gives birth, then she dies. I am curious about the cause of death.

My guess is that the grief over her son's death combined with post-partum depression did her in. Though it is hard for me to imagine not fighting for your life when you have a new baby to take care of.

Now of course, the big question is who gets custody of the baby girl. Forgive me for cynicism, but I can almost see the dollar signs in the claimants eyes, not genuine concern for a baby with no mommy and fathers of dubious claims.

It is so frustrating to me, I almost want to jump in, divide the money between everyone wanting a stake, and just take the baby out of the mess and raise her away from the Meshuggah. I would think everyone would thank me, as no one seems to actually want to raise the baby, just her money.

If this travesty of parenting and family ties continues, I think we can reliably look forward to news stories 18 years hence about Anna Nicole's progeny getting into scrapes.

slugs

ZAslug slug slugabed. It is cold and rainy, and we are on the couch and have not moved. Nate is curled up next to me, and we're snuggling and watching tv. He has a cold, so I am using it as an excuse to hang out on the couch for hours at a time. Lazy daze. So lazy, I am going to let him do a blog entry:

zzzannmzzzqqxxxxrrrrr66555aaaaeeeqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqlinfdhnnnnhh hhhhhhhhh.

Very good Nate. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaazzanmsssssssszzzqqq1aa5nbbmopiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyeasssssssssssssssss eeeessq

Where to begin

Boys & Girls, calm yourselves I am back from winter hiatus. Back along with all the great shows like Heroes, Ugly Betty and Battlestar Galactica. We nearly had a big problem since Blogger finally integrated with Google, requiring a sign in using Google passwords. I do have one, but it took a while to remember it.

I am finding more and more that I am losing my mind- not going insane or anything, just losing my memory. It started when I was pregnant with Nate. I just got more absent-minded. After he was born it got really bad, and I could not remember or focus on anything other than his last nursing schedule. It got a little better, but now I just feel as though my brain has gone slightly spongy.

I can recite the name of every member of Bob the Builder's team, recognize every child in Nate's class and name at least 17 different species that reside in the rainforest. However, I have lost the ability to remember any computer/internet account password. I don't remember what I am doing in a room half the time, even though I am sure I walked in to do something purposeful. I throw a load of laundry in, forget it is there and don't remember until days later. I rarely know what day of the week it is, even though I need to since we have a different activity & schedule each day that rely on me being somewhere to pick or drop a child off.

Is this because I am not working and don't have an Outlook calendar in front of me 9 hours a day, or are there mothering hormones that cause my brain to do this? Or, is there something more insidious going on and I should get on Alzheimers meds now!

Matt is getting annoyed with me since he thinks I am just not concentrating or listening. But truly, I am. I just can't seem to hold onto a thought more than a few minutes. And, while many of you may be sniggering about my reckless high-school/college extra-curricular activities; let me remind you that, "It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day. "

Is anyone else experiencing this "Mom" brain, or do I need to call a doctor. What kind of doctor do you call anyway for memory loss? Email me answers, since I won't remember any phone calls!

The Last

I have been feeling a bit sad, or rather, nostalgic lately. Recently we decided nearly 99% that we are finished having kids. We like having our family of four, and I have no desire to be pregnant or deal with a newborn anytime in the foreseeable future.

Though I am comfortable with our decision, I keep getting pangs of sadness now that Jacob has turned two and is transitioning into new experiences. Two weeks ago, our Gymboree sessions ended, and I realized I was not ever going back. No more dancing with Gymbo or shaking and stopping the parachute. Unless I have another baby or a birthday party, there is no reason to go to Musikids or Gymboree ever again. Suddenly, it struck me as a big life transition. I am the mom of two boys, not babies.

In just a few short years, or year, weekends will be filled with soccer games and getting homework done on Sunday nights. Jacob starts preschool next month, and though I am excited for him, I suddenly feel unsure about my baby leaving the nest.

As one friend commented last night, it is not that things go downhill from here, it is just that they are different hills. I really like that analogy. The baby/preschool years have definitly felt like a hill we've been climbing, and now Nate is nearly finished and Jacob is halfway up the hill. I like feeling that there are many more hills to climb as a family rather than plateauing out.

Things that make ya go 'hmmmm'

Usually I try not be a judgemental parent. I will admit it, I fail about 50% of the time. By judgemental, I, of course, mean judging other parents, not my own children! It is catty and a waste of time, but it is every new (by new I mean within 5 years) parent's favorite activity.

"Did you see how they dressed their son! No hat, and it is 65 degrees out!"

"I can't believe they hired that nanny, I would NEVER let my kids play with her. She is not bilingual!"

Often the judgements are made by very new parents of babies under a year old. They are sure they will NEVER give out lollipops to get a few minutes of extra quiet grocery shopping time. Or will never let their kids eat only chicken nuggets three times a day.

Tonight I had a moment of judgement, and I feel badly, because perhaps the parents had a really good reason, but I just can't see it.

Our favorite Sunday night dinner is an all-you-can-eat Kaitan sushi bar in Bethesda. For one price (kids 4 & under eat Free!), you can pull off plates of food moving along a conveyor belt and get sushi, fruit, edamame, tempura etc... The boys LOVE it, because they love sushi and the food moves by train. Could life get any better?

So tonight, we walked in, and there was another family with two young boys (sitting at our usual table I might add), and both boys had their own portable DVD players they were using to watch shows. I shrugged it off, thinking it was a pretty good, if extravangant, table toy to occupy them till their food arrived. (often parents don't do the conveyor and order chicken teriyaki for kids, if the kids don't have educated palates like my darlings).

The boys food never arrived. They ate no food except random bites of rice the parents occasionally shoved in their mouths. I will say the boys were nicely behaved and quiet. The parents got to eat and have adult conversation. But, as Matt pointed out, they could have /should have stayed home and done delivery sushi if they wanted sushi that badly.

Our boys know how to eat in a restaurant because we practice that behavior. We eat out a minimum of 1 time a week, and rarely in a "kid" restaurant. We go at 5:00, are usually alone in the restaurant, but they learn to sit, order food, wait, and eat with table manners.

Obviously, it is not always beautifully executed. Sake Club will need to dry clean their seat cushions (if not replace), we have broken at least 3 glasses at Matuba, the juke box at American City Diner has maple syrup in it, Dino has a rainbow of crayon markings on their table, and the list goes on, but the majority of the time, I feel confident going to a restaurant, because I set my expectation high. Reasonable, but high.

I expect my children to sit down at the table, choose between 1-2 options I present from the menu, talk or color quietly till the food arrives, and eat nicely once it does. I actually hate when waiters do us a "favor" and bring the kids food first. This just means they eat and are finished, leaving me to wolf down my food when they are clamoring to leave.

By setting the bar low and expecting your children to not be able to sit at a table and eat interesting food without the help of a DVD, I can't see how they will ever manage the task. That's just my judgemental 2 cents.

The Unbirthday Party

I have been giggling to myself now for 2 days about something silly I did. First, I need to give some background...For the past 3 years, I have been in a playgroup with the same group of women. We have met weekly for lunch and playtime with our children. The kids are friends, and the moms are friends, so a good time is had by all.

This week, playgroup happened to fall on one of the woman's birthdays. I thought it would be fun to host playgroup and turn it into a surprise birthday party. Well, the surprise was on us. After doing some email planning and buying a birthday cake (personalized of course), one of the other moms remembered that the birthday girl was not only not coming to playgroup; she was out of the country with her husband on a business trip!

So there we were, 4 moms and 7 kids singing Happy Birthday to someone not in the room! The kids thought it was hysterical, and so did we. Luckily, I did not go totally crazy and get the big bunch of balloons and decorations hung up.