MOMO!!!

We did it! We have been talking for months about it, and we finally did it. We got a pet. Well, make that 5 pets, now down to 3. What kind of pet you may ask. Why goldfish of course!

My husband took Nate to a carnival supposedly to introduce him to rides and games. I think Matt really just wanted some fried dough and cotton candy. So they went and they ate junk food and they played games, and they won all the usual carnival junk, including a goldfish.

Obviously the goldfish came homeless with no worldy posessions other than his plastic bag and dirty water. After the boys went to bed, my husband and I placed our bets on how long the goldfish would last. Matt won the bet with his money on "dead by morning." I optimistically gave him 2 days.

With such forecasts, Matt drove out to Petco at 9:00 pm to buy a small tank and extra fish and fish food. He came home armed with a teeny tank and some friends for the carney fish dubbed Nemo by my boys. (or Momo, by the baby who can't say Nemo).

It was so fun to see their faces light up in the morning when they saw the tank with 3 fish swimming around. Sadly, byt lunchtime Nemo and one other were dead. Nate took it well. (See previous posts on talking death with Nate). Matt once again set out for Pet-co and came home with a much larger tank and 2 more fish.

It is now bedtime, and I am hopeful we will not have to talk about death again tomorrow.

Hee hee hee

Funny things the boys said today that keep me smiling:

Nate: (imitating a pirate) "AAAARRGH Ladies!"

Nate: "What's the news Bubbie? I'm listening."

Nate: "Let's not call Jacob Toasters anymore, let's call him Chocolate Jacob!"

Jacob: "Chocket, chocket!"

Linda: "New rule! All bathroom doors, must remain shut since Jacob is now sticking his body in the toilet."
Nate: (2 hours later) "New rule! No Driving into other cars! All in favor, raise your hands! New Rule! No driving on the sidewalk!"
Jacob: "nooo nool! noo nool!"

Responsibility part deux

It occured to me that I sounded sanctimonious about responsibility and how great I am for not getting drunk or putting on my iPod too loudly. Let me share some dirty little (and not so little secrets):

1) I have no Will- if something were to happen to me & my husband, it's a toss-up as to who gets the boys and what money they will have.

2) I have no life insurance and neither does my husband (this is not actually our fault, as we have applied several times and were refused based on a minor heart condition)

3) I have no emergency provisions packed despite living less than a mile from the White House, Capitol and NORAD back-up site.

4) I have no house alarm despite 5 robberies, 1 murder and 3 escaped mental patients occuring on my street, and my husband travels about 2 weeks of every month. (if you are a person with evil intent, let me assure you, I do have a black belt in karate and a raging case of herpes**)

I am sure there are other horrible things that I am irresponsible about, but those are the biggies that come to mind easily. Yikes! I am making it a goal to get those resolved, cause I do often wake up in a cold-sweat, panicking.

And speaking of that kind of responsibility and loss of freedom, there was a HORRIBLE story in the news yesterday about a father who threw his children off a 15 story balcony then jumped himself. It is hard for me to formulate complete thoughts and sentences about this. I get physically nauseated even thinking about it. Obviously something triggered a breakdown in this man to be able to hurt his children in this way.

To me, it seems suicide is the ultimate cop-out on responsibility if you are a parent. In some ways I understand though and can see it as a medical issue. Some people can die of cancer or heart attack, and some die of suicide caused by a mental disease. It is hard for me though to see murder of your children in this light. My heart just goes out to this mom; how does one ever recover from something like this. I know she never will, but how does one even get up and out of bed in the morning?

OK, now I am sad, and I promise something more lighthearted next time.


**I will send stickers to anyone who can name the movie that quote is stolen from.

Freedom

Two nights ago I laid down in bed with my iPod on, earplugs in. My boys were barely sleeping, but I needed to rest my eyes after Lasik. I didn't turn my music up very loud. It was not a nod to any fear of noise-induced deafness, but a sense of responsibility to my children that kept the volume low.

I realized that in the three plus years since becoming a mom, I don't ever just let go anymore. I don't turn my music on full-blast. I don't get rip-roaring drunk anymore (mainly due to a fear of dealing with 2 toddlers and a hangover). In fact, nearly everything I do is with one ear, eye or brain cell in tune with my kids.

It is hard to just let it all go, knowing that 2 little people are depending on you. If I turn my music on too loud, I may miss a cry for help after a nightmare. If I get silly drunk, I may have impaired judgement in the unlikely event one of the boys wakes up and needs me in the middle of the night for something more critical than a hug.

I think this is truly the loss of freedom that scares couples discussing the possibility of having kids. Sure there are the mentions of the little superficial things like movies, dinner dates, travel, sports cars etc..., but it is the more subtle loss of freedom that is much more profound in my book and it is also not quite understood until you are a parent.

You can hire a babysitter and go out for dinner for an hour or two, but you can't ever go back to being the person you were before parenthood. I am and always will be (at least legally for the next 15 and 17 years) responsible for two other lives.

Auto Reply: Out of Office

I am getting Lasik tomorrow, so it may be a few days before I am up to staring at the screen and typing. Check in later!

Did I say that out loud?

I was at the pediatrician this afternoon getting my baby checked for strep or an ear infection. Just a bronchial infection that 10 days of antibiotics should clear up. I always find the waiting room at the pediatrician interesting for people watching, because parents tend to be on their hyper-vigilant behavior.

Today for example, a mom left the bill-paying counter to snap at her two sons who were engaged in a very minor dispute, "let go of each other now or we will get in the car and go home now!" Uhm, Mom, hate to break it to you, but you're at the doctor's. Your boys want to go home!

Don't think that I am criticizng the mom though. She was simply caught in an "oops, did I say that out loud" moment. We all have them. On days when I don't get enough sleep, I find myself babbling idle threats to the boys about losing pajamas or toys or park days. I eventually shut up when Nate's eyes glaze over and he treats me like white noise.

Positive discipline is all about words that count and have meaning that your children believe. I think, and this is a total generalization, that husbands are very guilty of the bad, idle threats. I know my husband can get so frustrated after a build-up of misbehavior, and blurt out ridiculous consequences. They are such poor choices, I usually end up lauging. Come on sweetie, are you really going to remove his shoes and make him walk barefoot forever? Or, never ever read him a bedtime story again.?

It is so hard when you are caught in the heat of the moment not to shout out the first punishment that comes to mind, but worth it when you come up with the right, logical consequence and you can positively modify behavior.

What are some of the worst/ridiculous things you have said aloud to your kids while disicplining them?

Thanks for the memories...

My son brought home a portfolio last week from school holding several pieces of his artwork. Apparently he is not as prolific at school as he is at home, as there were only 3 pieces of art from the entire year. At home he goes through 3 pieces of paper in a minute.

I never know which art and projects to keep. Should I keep the ones that look the best or the ones with holiday meaning , like a Passover seder plate? Or, should I keep just the ones that mark milestones, like the paper that has nothing on it but three Ns, marking the first time he started to write his name?

So far, I have kept most of the art, but in a cleaning frenzy last year, I threw 99% of it away. I find though that it is not the art that I want to hold onto but the special and silly moments that happen and are gone before you can mark them. For example, my 3 year old is obsessed at the moment with his little brother's cheeks. He keeps kissing & poking them saying, "I can't help it, he has the cheekiest cheeks."

It drives the baby bonkers, but I just want to keep hearing Nate's voice saying "cheekiest cheeks!" Or this morning, when he came into our room for our AM wakeup call, he bypassed my side of the bed; went straight for Matt and said, "Daddy wake up. It's Mommy's day off. It's Mother's Day." It happened too quickly to get a camcorder out, and it won't resonate as nicely in his baby book.

It is these memories and moments that don't fit into a portfolio but hold so much meaning for me, because they come and go so quickly.

OMG it's a MEME

Anyone new to blogging may not know that a meme is a silly thing bloggers do that is reminiscent of a questionaire / survey we did we were tweens. (not that we were called tweens way back when). Anyway, here goes a MEME with a DC slant. The idea is that you fill it out too.

Number of Kids: 2
Gender of kids: boys
Ages: 3 1/2 & 1 1/2
SAHM/WFT/WPT: WPT (does blogging count?)
Fave clothing store for play clothes: Children's Place, Target
Fave clothing store for dressy: Janie & Jack, Full of Beans
Which Whole Foods: Tenleytown
Toy Store: Childs Play or Whirligigs & Whimsys in Wyldwood shopping center
Library: Chevy Chase or New Bethesda Arlington Rd.
Park: Chesapeake (they have 3 backhoes in the sandbox), I like Macomb too.
Museum: National Building Museum
Monument: Korean
Best zoo moment: watching orangutans on the O line, picnicking in the rest area of the Lions den with the Lion roaring at us
Favorite kid friendly restaurant- Matuba all u can eat kaitan sushi bar on Sunday nights, then Ben & Jerry's after. Or Kotobuki in the Palisades for $1/piece sushi (no high chairs though)
Rainy Day activity: library, Montgomery Mall, Ikea
Best Class with kid: Musikids or Silverstars with Coach Mark
Favorite Trail for hiking/biking: Roosevelt island or Rock Creek park leading into zoo


Ok, that's it. Lame, I know. I promise never to indulge again.

Houston, we have a p-r-o-b-l-e-m

I used to be a teacher. I hated it, but I loved teaching reading. I adore children's books in general and am thrilled to have an excuse to hangout in the children's section of the library now that I have kids. I have also been conducting a pseudo experiment with my three-year old. Before he was born, I wondered if I could teach him to read at an early age. I set rules for myself though. I would not use any high-pressure tactics, do any phonics drills and I would instill a love of reading as well as the ability to read.

So here's the kicker...it's working. Through a variety of techniques, which I will document in a book I am planning on writing (someday), my 3 1/2 year old is reading several words, writing several words, loving to read, and generally demonstrating a keen understanding of literacy.

The problem is that his understanding of the alphabet is leading to a problem for Matt and me. I know this happens to all of us eventually but it has hit full-force this week. We can't spell out secrets to each other anymore. For example, if I ask Matt, "What are you thinking for dinner? How does s-u-s-h-i sound?" Nate immediatly jumps in with, "YES!!! I want sushi! SUSHI!!!!!"

I know lots of kids do this based on memorization, but Nate is putting the letter sounds together when we spell & making very reasonable guesses. So now Matt & I need a new language to use in front of the kids. Unfortunately, he took high school French & I hablo espanol. You may see us at a Berlitz soon.

Flying the friendly skies

I am almost too exhausted to write this, but I will give it the old college try. About 2 hours ago, my family arrived back in our house after 6 weeks on the road. Yep, you read that correctly. Our itinerary looked something like this:

March 3-5 NYC (airplane, taxi)
March 24-27 Miami (Plane)
April 1-3 BF New Jersey (Road Trip- flat tire in Delaware!)
April 14 - 25 Miami (plane)
April 27 - 29 Miami (Metro, Marc Train, Plane, rental car)
May 6-8 Atlanta (plane, rental car)

That is a lot of travel for any road warrior, now keep in mind, we did all of that with a 1 & 3 year old! Why so many trips you may ask. Well, all of our family and friends decided to get married. There was not an event we could reasonably skip and no family to leave the kids with, so they came along, and along, and along. Though, my travels aren't the point, traveling with kids in general is.

Airline Travel: Getting through security can be a nightmare. Everyone has their tales of TSA incompetence and confusion. For the most part, I have found the TSA agents to be very nice and helpful when traveling with kids. They always give high-fives to the boys after they pass through the detector. They are patient as we take 10 minutes to disassemble our stroller, carseat, 2 backpacks, laptop bag, insulated lunch bag, pockets full of change, shoes, and coats. On a few memorable occasions, awesome agents have helped carry all of our stuff to another table so we could reassemble our gear. However, despite the assistance, it is very dificult to disassemble all the gear with 2 children, mainly due to the 40 Lb car seat. which leads me to my main point.

We would not bring a car seat at all if not for the incredibly stupid airline rules about baby seating. It makes NO sense to me that EVERYONE on the plane MUST keep seatbelts fastened at all times, unless you are under 2, in which case, feel free to bounce around the cabin. We always spend the money to buy a seat for our baby. First of all, it is a safety issue, secondly it is a comfort issue. How can anyone sit on a place for more than 40 minutes with 25 wriggling pounds and hands grabbing at hair, glasses, water glasses etc... So we make the effort to lug the car seat through the airport and onto the plane.

Once my older son turned two, we stopped bringing the car seat & just buckled him in. This is where I really find fault with the airlines. If my son were 5"10", 300 Lbs, the flight attendants would hasten to bring him a seatbelt extender. However he is 3'6", 35Lbs and they come over to chastise and make sure his seatbelt is fastened. The answer is yes, it is fastened, but he is so skinny, it just slips right off. Why can't they design a 5-point harness, or seatbelt reducer, or allow booster seats on the plane?

I am debating internally whether to start a campaign much like the ADA compliance act, except for children and little persons. Restrooms, with more than 3 toilets must make 1 of them low enough for a child to reach and provide a stepstool for hand washing at the sinks. Public transportation should have some available seatbelts. Airlines should have safe seating for people of ALL sizes. TIVO should be required in every household. Wait, that is from a different wish list. Seriously though, what bothers you when traveling either around town or farther a field with your little ones?

The dreaded conversation

One of those dreaded moments came a few days ago. My beloved Grandma died. She had been sick for a short time, and in true Bobbie fashion, she went out in her own way, refusing to linger in a sick bed.

Her death meant that we had to face the decision of telling our 3 year old son that his Great-grandmother had died. He was only 22 months when his other great-grandmother died, so we never bothered telling him. We figured he would never ask, but he had a real relationship with Bobbie and had spent the previous week playing in her apartment with her.

I consulted the director at his preschool who gave us a packet of reading and ideas for ways to have the conversation. We discussed putting it off till I was feeling less grief, but I felt it was important to tell him right away. (no idea why)

We figured the conversation would go something like this:

"Nate, we have sad news to tell you."
"What?"
"Remember how Grandma Bobbie went to the hospital because she was sick? Well, the doctors did everything they could to help her, but her body was very sick and her heart stopped working and she died."
"Oh, can we visit her? Where is she? in our backyard? Linny the Wonderpet is a hamster."

That was pretty much how it went, except he focused on it a bit more than expected and asked us to repeat the sad story. Then he told us a Superman story instead of a Wonderpets moment. He saw that I cried as I told him, but it didn't seem to scare him; it just attached a bit more importance to the news I think.

Later in the day, he wanted to hear the sad news again. We told him again, and that we could always remember Bobbie by thinking of a something we had done with her or looking at a picture of her. He then requested to watch our wedding video to see her and wanted drawing paper to draw a picture of her. He did an amazing job on the picture and even captured her earrings that she was never without.

It has been a week since she died and 2 days since we told Nate, and I miss her terribly, but my grief has been eased by being so busy with the boys, I can't stop to focus. But, I dont feel like I am missing a grieving process, because I am sharing with Nate. Just today, he and I baked banana bread, and I told him that Bobbie was the person who taught me how to bake. He replied, "Now we remember her in our minds!"

Sophie Buckman and Cooper Banks-Mackenzie

My mom and I were chatting tonight and we got into the conversation about what my children call different adults. I realized that I nearly always introduce my children to other adult's by their first names. All of my friends children call me Linda. I can't imagine being called Mrs. Heller. Nate calls all his friend's Moms by their first names.

I read somewhere that your childhood rules are usually the best indicator for whether you will be more formal or casual when it comes to children and adult names. Why then am I, who grew up calling all adults Mr. or Mrs. S0 & So, totally casual when it comes to kids calling me Linda or introducing adults by their first names to my children. To this day, I still call my parent's friends Mr. and Mrs., despite the fact that I have known many of them for more than 30 years and consider them as dear as family.

I could not come up with any strong reason, but then I realized that the majority of my friends do not share last names with their children. Most (keep in mind there is no scientific polling data behind this statement) women these days are getting married later into their professional careers, and do not take their husband's last name. So, when they have children, the children have their father's last name. In some cases, the child has a combination of last names of hyphenated.

It is hard enough to keep track of all the first names, let alone instruct Nate to "say hello to your friend Benjamin Schwartz and his mom, Mrs. Rosenstein." I think for clarity and sanity, we have made an unspoken pact to simplify by giving everyone only one name, their first.

What do you do among your circle of friends? First or last names? Do you prefer more formality.

To tell or not to tell

My husband and I have recently changed our philosophy on an important parenting issue. The question is, when hiring a babysitter for the night, do you tell your children you are leaving? Especially, if, like many parents, you put your children to bed before the babysitter even arrives.

If all goes according to plan, your child will sleep; the babysitter will surf your TIVO, and your child will wake you up in the morning as usual without ever knowing you left. My husband and I always used to go this route. However, recently we have changed tacks due to a lingering fear of mine in which Nate wakes up, discovers we're gone and loses all trust in me. (Somehow I always get blamed for these types of incidents. i.e. Daddy goes away on business, I get the brunt of anger.)

We have decided in the last six months that it is better to deal with the 20 minute sulks that come when he is told a babysitter is coming. We have even been so daring to allow the babysitter to put the boys to bed and we can catch dinner AND a movie. By putting the boys to bed ourselves, we only had time for one amusement.

I know several close friends are still going with the T.S.P choice of tucking in, sneaking out, and praying to god the children stay sleeping. I would highly recommend the Jerry Spring method of bare all, tell all. Deal with the whining for a few minutes. I just know my child would never sleep alone in his bedroom again if he were to wake up with us gone and a babysitter in our place.

The other trick we have been doing lately is not requiring bed. The boys are usually willing to play with a strange person for a while but have anxiety about a stranger tucking them into bed. On the few occasions when we have traveled for weddings and had to have hotel babysitters, we just told Nate that he did not have to go to bed. He could wait up for us, but he had to put his pajamas on, and he could sit in our bed and wait for us. Sure enough, within 20-30 minutes of his usual bedtime, he would simply pass out in our bed and we carried him to his bed when we returned home from the event.

How do you all handle babysitter issues. Do you tell and leave or tuck and pray?

teed- off

I actually wrote a really long and decent post last night, but did not have time to finish it so I saved it as a draft. Somehow, it is missing. I am so bummed I cant think about rewriting it yet, so I will go eat some chocolate instead.

I'm Lovin' it!

So we had a first tonight. We have made it 3 1/2 years without introducing our children to the iconographic American institution that is the Golden Arches, more specifically, the drive-through, and it had been at least 3 more before that since Matt & I had entered a McDonalds.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not an organic, homemade babyfood type of gal. Just this morning, Nate & I split a bag of jelly beans, then licked the bowl of brownie batter. But, we keep kosher so most of the major fast-food chains hold no appeal for us since there is nothing we can eat on the menu. (one exception is Subway, which is a frequent destination for us)

However, tonight, Nate picked a chocolate milkshake for his dessert treat. We were out in Kensington, so I suggested we just swing into MickeyD's for the shake. It just did not occur to Matt & me, until it was happening, that we had just introduced both our boys to the world of fast food.

First we pulled into the 24 hour drive through where we sat like idiots not knowing which speaker to place our order into. Nate was highly curious about this process,

"Is this our parking space?"

Then we pulled around to pay.

"Do we go in now Daddy?"

After paying Matt pulled forward to the next window, then we panicked. Who would deliver the food; had we erroneously pulled up?

"Where's my chocolate milk shake daddy?!?!"

They must have felt the bewilderment coming out of the car since someone came over to reassure us that shakes would be arriving shortly. Speaking of short, when the children's shake arrived it was not small- it was at least 10 oz.

Both boys grasped their cups contentedly and sat back safely beneath their 5 point harnesses and sipped at the sickly sweet concoction, that legally is just called a shake, cause it has no milk. Nate examined his cup.

"Who's this guy?"

"That's Ronald McDonald."

"Who's that"

"uuuuhhhh, a clown. How's your shake?"

I am now officially panicked that the boys will recognize the golden arches and I will have screaming fits begging for milk shakes when I drive by. Then it will only be a matter of time before they notice the menu outside has pictures of chicken nuggets and fries AND toys, usually from their favorite movies. Oy, I guess I am finding an alternative route to River Road, the only McDonalds we regularly drive by.

He Speaketh!

The weather was so beautiful tonight, we all went for a walk after Shabbat dinner. We strolled over to the dog park on Ft. Reno hill. Nate & Matt were at the top of the hill when Jacob began to point and call, "Net, Net, Net!"

I just about fell over. Jacob has a pretty extensive vocabulary and regularly calls Mama & Dada, but had yet to acknowledge his brother by name. We figured it was because Nate has so many alter-egos, Jacob could not figure out whether his name was Superman, Bob, Diego, or Firefighter. He apparently figured it out tonight and vocally made it clear.

I am so happy since I really want the boys to be super close. I always thought it was so cool in highschool when brothers would hang out together. I really want Net & Jake to do that. I am considering forcing them to share a room to induce bonding. I have this naive vision of them huddling in bed-tents and giggling and conspiring against Matt & me. That would be great- I want to promote togetherness.

A New York Minute

We took the kids to New York this weekend, or as Nate calls it, Metropolis. I was curious to see the Manhattan moms and kids in their natural habitat. My perception has been that NY parents are slightly more neurotic and high-strung on parenting. Perhaps I would be too, if I had to pay $30K for preschool.

Some Observations:
1. Other than the more expensive clothes, the Manhattan moms and Upper NW moms were pretty similar. At lunch on the Upper East Side, I sat next to 2 toddlers and their moms. The girls were wearing school uniform like jumpers lined with Burberry trim. At the next table a mom and her toddler were having lunch. She looked very laid back till she got up to leave and pulled on a floor-length mink. No one I know owns or ever wears mink, especially to pick your toddler up from school.

2. Babies and toddlers in NYC see the world from behind a clear plastic curtain. 99% of strollers I saw (the other 1% were tourists) had their children protected with those clear plastic rain hoods. There was not a cloud in the sky the entire time I was there. I wonder what they were shielding their children from.

3. The Children's museum of Manhattan is a very fun place to take your toddlers.

And thus concludes my Metropolis observations. Though, I can't imagine raising my boys in the city. Just running errands like the grocery store is a pain in the arse. DC is a perfect combination of suburban city for me.

Bratty McBrat

Help, my 3 year old has been body snatched and replaced by whirling dervishes on crack. If anyone remembers the movie Gremlins, that is what he reminds me of by the afternoon. He moves with Category 5 Hurricane destructive force towards everything in the house.

I am sitting right now typing amongst a 2 foot high pile of tissues pulled from the box, multiple socks stolen from his baby brother's feet, my previously well-ordered tax forms now in a mishmash pile, a sticky puddle of grape juice (despite the no eating in the living room rule), once clean laundry dumped from the basket, random toys that lost their way from the play room, a monkey hanging from the plant, and muddy red rainboots.

I cannot summon the energy to get up and straighten this mess up, and I clearly did not have the energy to prevent any of the previous from happening. I just couldn't say no and mean it today. Well, I meant no, but I lacked the backbone to back up any consequences, so Nate had another day of ruling the roost. There are days when we click and we are dressed and out the door for adventures, and there are days, like today, when we sit in our pjs all day watching Maisy and eating snacks, not regular meals.

I think it is the best thing about parenting; I am allowed days like today. I won't get fired. I just have to be careful to put my foot down and maintain the parent role more days than I don't. And now I will end this boring post, I just wanted to share some mundane and frustrating details of parenting. My previous posts painted a picture of a mother in total control and doing her job with ease. While I do think I am doing a good job, I know I have my off days- today is one of them.

In totally unrelated news, I was so excited to see all the other moms of young kids at the Oscars last night. Go Reese- mother of two toddlers & Oscar winner; Rachel Weisz, 7 months pregnant & radiant; Jennifer Garner- a few weeks post partum and looking healthy, not like she had a tummy tuck along with delivery.

Cartoon Violence

A new study came out today that states that kids cartoons are more violent than ever. The study seems to feel that today's cartoons with laser and sword fighting are much more damaging than the humorous violence of Wily Coyote and Tom & Jerry.

Luckily my kids are too young to watch the Cartoon Network, which purportedly is the most violent. We are big fans of Sprout and I can always trust that the shows on it are gentle and interesting for my kids.

If anything, I think that some of the networks today are churning out shows that are so anti-violence or anything potentially controversial, they are actually banal, and I don't mean that in a nice way.

Several children's programs that I have watched with Nate recently make me want to gag with their insipidness. One in particular, Disney's Little Einsteins, really bothers me. For one, it cashes in on the whole Baby Einstein product, the videos marketed to parents of infants promising to make your newborns smarter. (Disney purchased the Julie Clark Einstein Company a few years ago)

The Little Einsteins are 4 toddlers that go on adventures, and the whole show is set to classical music and features paintings by famous artists. On one hand, I am all for including classical music and art. On the other hand, I find the 4 Einstein children to be pedantic, insipid, and, worst of all, boring. They have zero sense of humor, unlike another Disney Show, Higglytown Heroes, which makes me laugh with its zany sense of humor and imperfect characters.

I watch TV for entertainment value, and I let my kids watch it so I can get the dishes done, dinner cooked, go to the bathroom, etc... undisturbed. Additionally, I wonder whether parents today are so overly concerned about exposing their children to any negative influence that we over-protect them and shield them unnecessarily. Life is not always a rosy place, and I think kids instinctively know this. Would it be better to relax our guard a little and let some murkiness into their lives, teaching them that they have a safe haven in our protective arms if they need it?

I just don't know, and I find myself grappling with this issue more and more as Nate grows older and his friends and interests grow more out of my direct control.

I know I am about to blashpheme, but I have been feeling it more and more lately, so I'll just say it.

Dr. Sears is old-fashioned and sexist but cleverly disguises himself and his Attachment Parenting theory as a touchy-feely, liberal mother's bestfriend.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I dutifully read "Dr. Sears Baby Book," like all the other UpperNW moms. I ran out & got a doula, and when Nate was born, I roomed-in with my baby at the hospital, never mind the fact that my C-section so debilitated me I could not stand on my own, let alone hold a newborn. I breastfed despite latching problems and pumped when I just could not take the bleeding nipples anymore. We slept with our little darling inches away from us, and I wore him in a sling till I ended up at the chiropractor.

We continued this for 1 year, though Nate did get moved to his own room at 4 months, and I was never away from him for longer than 2-3 hours. This is Attachment Parenting a parenting philosophy touted by experts such as Dr. Sears, our own Dr. Spock. It seemed as if all the moms I met were practicing this in some form or another. Our mothers were definitly questioning us, I know my own mom did.

"Are you really going to breastfeed, how will you know if she had enough to eat? Can I just give the baby some water in a bottle? Are you ever going to put the baby down? Do you have a playpen for him?"

I don't want to get into all the details of attachment parenting, but some of its tenets advocate breastfeeding on demand for at least the first year, co-sleeping with your child, wearing your baby in a sling, and soothing your child always, especially at night. Cry-it-out is a no no for APiers. At first this all seems hunky dory, after all, what new mom wants to be accused of not being attached to her baby.

But recently, I have started to analyze API a little more closely, especially as I have 2 children and did not come close to following the theory for Jacob, except for the breast feeding. (Mainly cause money was tight, and breast milk is free!)

So back to my blasphemy about Dr. Sears and my recent disenchantment with our 21st century parenting ideal.

1. Attachment parenting International is a major organization with most cities having their own chapter. These chapters have weekly meetings so the parents (moms) can get together for support. Parenting is tough, and there is nothing better then venting with some friends, but a parenting style should not be so difficult as to necessitate weekly support and counseling.

2. Breastfeeding is awesome and is medically proven to be better for the baby. However, it ties a mother to the baby in a way that does not allow her much freedom. Breastfeeding and working at the same time is a feat of superheroic proportions. Try explaining to your colleagues that you were late for a meeting cause you were sitting in a bathroomstall/tiny closet pumping.

3. Co-sleeping is nice for baby but wreaks havoc on your marriage. In Judaism, husbands and wives may not have intercourse when anyother living creature is in the room with them. I assume this law dates back to pagan rituals and the writers just wanted to ban orgys for the Jews. (darn ;-), but in modern times this means that husbands are often relegated to the guest bedroom for a few months. Not good for a marriage, and not good for a new mom to not even have time to feel like a desirable women by making love with her husband. Ain't gonna happen with a baby in the middle of the bed.

4. Wearing baby in a sling- I ended up with accupuncture, physical therapy & chiropractic visits. Enuf said. Put the baby in the bouncy seat!

5. Never letting baby cry, especially at night. Mothers will either end up as human pacifiers, and baby will never learn to self-sooth. Now, I am not saying I shut my children in their room, leaving them cry, but I did teach them that lying in the dark and learning to go to sleep is o.k.

Never letting them cry is getting taken to the extreme, and I am concerned that we are raising a generation of spoiled, demanding brats. Attachment Parenting teaches the children that their needs are so important and all encompassing that they come first. Moms needs tend to get lost, and we are being told that it is ok. It is NOT ok, moms needs are very important, and sometimes children will just have to wait, even if it means crying.

A friend of mine told me a story recently about her visit to another friends house. This woman had gone shopping with her 10 month old and the baby kept crying in the car seat on the way home. Rather than let the baby cry, the mom put the baby in the sling and hiked the 5 miles home holding the groceries. Good Lord! This is API taken to the extreme, and I think it is ridiculous. The child was not going to die in the car for a 10 minute ride. Better to let him scream for a little bit, then get home & meet his needs.

I have a bit more ranting to do, but I think this is getting too long, so I will end for now and continue my API rant later when I bring up spoiling & spanking. (Yes to the first, no to the second.)