My mom and I were chatting tonight and we got into the conversation about what my children call different adults. I realized that I nearly always introduce my children to other adult's by their first names. All of my friends children call me Linda. I can't imagine being called Mrs. Heller. Nate calls all his friend's Moms by their first names.
I read somewhere that your childhood rules are usually the best indicator for whether you will be more formal or casual when it comes to children and adult names. Why then am I, who grew up calling all adults Mr. or Mrs. S0 & So, totally casual when it comes to kids calling me Linda or introducing adults by their first names to my children. To this day, I still call my parent's friends Mr. and Mrs., despite the fact that I have known many of them for more than 30 years and consider them as dear as family.
I could not come up with any strong reason, but then I realized that the majority of my friends do not share last names with their children. Most (keep in mind there is no scientific polling data behind this statement) women these days are getting married later into their professional careers, and do not take their husband's last name. So, when they have children, the children have their father's last name. In some cases, the child has a combination of last names of hyphenated.
It is hard enough to keep track of all the first names, let alone instruct Nate to "say hello to your friend Benjamin Schwartz and his mom, Mrs. Rosenstein." I think for clarity and sanity, we have made an unspoken pact to simplify by giving everyone only one name, their first.
What do you do among your circle of friends? First or last names? Do you prefer more formality.
Monday, April 17, 2006
To tell or not to tell
My husband and I have recently changed our philosophy on an important parenting issue. The question is, when hiring a babysitter for the night, do you tell your children you are leaving? Especially, if, like many parents, you put your children to bed before the babysitter even arrives.
If all goes according to plan, your child will sleep; the babysitter will surf your TIVO, and your child will wake you up in the morning as usual without ever knowing you left. My husband and I always used to go this route. However, recently we have changed tacks due to a lingering fear of mine in which Nate wakes up, discovers we're gone and loses all trust in me. (Somehow I always get blamed for these types of incidents. i.e. Daddy goes away on business, I get the brunt of anger.)
We have decided in the last six months that it is better to deal with the 20 minute sulks that come when he is told a babysitter is coming. We have even been so daring to allow the babysitter to put the boys to bed and we can catch dinner AND a movie. By putting the boys to bed ourselves, we only had time for one amusement.
I know several close friends are still going with the T.S.P choice of tucking in, sneaking out, and praying to god the children stay sleeping. I would highly recommend the Jerry Spring method of bare all, tell all. Deal with the whining for a few minutes. I just know my child would never sleep alone in his bedroom again if he were to wake up with us gone and a babysitter in our place.
The other trick we have been doing lately is not requiring bed. The boys are usually willing to play with a strange person for a while but have anxiety about a stranger tucking them into bed. On the few occasions when we have traveled for weddings and had to have hotel babysitters, we just told Nate that he did not have to go to bed. He could wait up for us, but he had to put his pajamas on, and he could sit in our bed and wait for us. Sure enough, within 20-30 minutes of his usual bedtime, he would simply pass out in our bed and we carried him to his bed when we returned home from the event.
How do you all handle babysitter issues. Do you tell and leave or tuck and pray?
If all goes according to plan, your child will sleep; the babysitter will surf your TIVO, and your child will wake you up in the morning as usual without ever knowing you left. My husband and I always used to go this route. However, recently we have changed tacks due to a lingering fear of mine in which Nate wakes up, discovers we're gone and loses all trust in me. (Somehow I always get blamed for these types of incidents. i.e. Daddy goes away on business, I get the brunt of anger.)
We have decided in the last six months that it is better to deal with the 20 minute sulks that come when he is told a babysitter is coming. We have even been so daring to allow the babysitter to put the boys to bed and we can catch dinner AND a movie. By putting the boys to bed ourselves, we only had time for one amusement.
I know several close friends are still going with the T.S.P choice of tucking in, sneaking out, and praying to god the children stay sleeping. I would highly recommend the Jerry Spring method of bare all, tell all. Deal with the whining for a few minutes. I just know my child would never sleep alone in his bedroom again if he were to wake up with us gone and a babysitter in our place.
The other trick we have been doing lately is not requiring bed. The boys are usually willing to play with a strange person for a while but have anxiety about a stranger tucking them into bed. On the few occasions when we have traveled for weddings and had to have hotel babysitters, we just told Nate that he did not have to go to bed. He could wait up for us, but he had to put his pajamas on, and he could sit in our bed and wait for us. Sure enough, within 20-30 minutes of his usual bedtime, he would simply pass out in our bed and we carried him to his bed when we returned home from the event.
How do you all handle babysitter issues. Do you tell and leave or tuck and pray?
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