I can't remember who was called the "Me" generation, but it seems that my generation is trying to help our children become the "Give-back" generation. I think it is a positive and wonderful thing that my children are expected to give Tzedakah (roughly translated as charity or justice) each week at their school, have made sandwiches for the homeless and marched in various rallies and fundraisers around town. We are trying not to spoil our children and to give them a sense of appreciation at their good fortune.
However, are we going too far when we disallow presents at birthday parties? A few months ago, my sister-in-law attended a "birthday party" in her hometown of Denver. I put the birthday party in quotes, because there were no invitations. An email was sent telling guests to meet at the Denver Children's museum. The birthday family did not rent the party room, they did not have a birthday cake, and they requested no presents. All this fuss, just for a three year old! My 3 year old niece was confused; she walked into the Museum's party space where another toddler was celebrating with cake and invited herself to celebrate with them.
Recently we attended 2 birthday parties where it was requested that no birthday presents be given. At one party, we were instructed to bring a wrapped book for an exchange. Each child left the party with a new book- goody bags and birthday presents taken care of! At the other party, the invitation clearly stated no presents, but each party guest left with a treasure box full of goodies.
So, what's going on here? Are modern-day parents, frightened of articles in Parenting magazines about 10 year olds with iPods, PS2s, X-Boxes and cell phones, reacting by shunning gifts. Are we so worried that we are spoiling our own children, we won't allow others to give them gifts?
Could it be simply that playrooms are full to the brim with more toys than our children can possibly play with. I know I certainly don't want more toys to have to clean up. So, now, what is a parent to do? Personally, I want others to buy my kids gifts for their birthdays. My boys take such pleasure in unwrapping them. Plus, it has been a whole year since their toys were updated, and they have gone through a lot of developmental changes. The 40 piece puzzles need to upgrade to 100 pieces, Candyland should be swapped for Scrabble, and Bob the Builder is out; make way for soccer balls.
Granted, buying presents for a whole class is an expensive proposition. Perhaps the money spent buying a stranger's child a present would be better spent buying one for my own children, whose interests and closet I am familiar with.
Nate's party invitations will go out in a month or so, and I don't want to be the only venal mom not putting a "no gift" policy on his invitation. Any thoughts? What is going on in your community.
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2 comments:
Oh, this is a toughy! We did the "no gift, unwrapped book exchange" bday party last year for Thomas' 2nd. There were several kids and I really felt that for him the party was more about having the bouncy castle and the cake and balloons then about opening/getting more presents. This year, in a new city, we had just two other playmates for his birthday and I didn't feel compelled to do a "no presents" policy since the numbers were small enough that it wouldn't be an overwhelming number of presents. I do worry about the "spoil" factor - we have generous family, so there is no dearth of presents for him at Christmas and Bdays, and more can seem excessive. Keeping bday parties smaller is one way to approach this, rather than saying "no gifts" because you're inviting the 20 kids from his preschool...but that's presumably another topic for another day..
That said, I have no qualms about bringing a gift to a bday party for someone else, and I wouldn't think you were being venal for not hopping on the no gifts train. I mean, come on, who doesn't like opening presents? And look at it this way, it's a great opportunity for kids to see sometimes it about giving, not receiving.
I tried the "no gift" rule for my own (33rd) birthday this year and the only one who followed it was my husband! ;)
But for kids I'm all in favor of the giving and receiving of gifts: it teaches them to be gracious in receiving as well as the joy of giving to someone else. And while I understand the overwhelming amount of toys/books/puzzles/bubbles which can end up in the playroom, that can always be turned into a lesson of giving to others as well through more charitable giving. There is usually a shelter/temple/church/outreach program more than willing to accept new items.
That said, I'm off to shop for Nate - thanks for the heads up on the wish list!
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