fitting in

I think we all remember our tween years with anxiety. For some of us it is with a shudder if we were not in the In crowd, and for those of us who were in the In crowd, one may shudder remembering how precarious a position we held. Pre-teens are vicious.

My sons are 4 & 1 respectively, so I clearly have some time to worry about social pressures, but even at their young ages, I can already see things forming and am wondering how or should I attempt to mold them.

For example, all of Nate's friends signed up for soccer practice together one day a week. Nate was pretty clear in his lack of desire to attend, so I did not sign him up. However, I can see special friendships and athletic ability emerging out of that class. Will this have long-term repercussions for my son who may be better placed in a science or computer class?

As an adult, it is easier not to worry. I know my son will find his place in the world and get comfortable in his skin. The fabulous, interesting and often handsome men I worked with in previous jobs were definitly not in popular sport cliques in high-school. They found their way in college and went on to MBAs and C-level positions. However, there are a lot of intervening years of social anxiety and angst.

I am just wondering what my role as a parent is. Obviously, I will support my son in anything (well, nearly anything, if he chops up another human, I will NOT help him escape to Israel). But what can I do to ease his path through the treacherous middle school years. Should I sign him up for sports classes? Or steer his interest to science and nature, which is already strong? I think I will offer a smorgasboard and let him select when he is older.

I do think sports are important and I played basketball and volleyball throughout high school. The competition and athleticism are important to me. I am fine if he does a non-traditional sport such as martial arts or skateboarding or swimming. I just dont know how to help him find his niche?