I know I am about to blashpheme, but I have been feeling it more and more lately, so I'll just say it.

Dr. Sears is old-fashioned and sexist but cleverly disguises himself and his Attachment Parenting theory as a touchy-feely, liberal mother's bestfriend.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I dutifully read "Dr. Sears Baby Book," like all the other UpperNW moms. I ran out & got a doula, and when Nate was born, I roomed-in with my baby at the hospital, never mind the fact that my C-section so debilitated me I could not stand on my own, let alone hold a newborn. I breastfed despite latching problems and pumped when I just could not take the bleeding nipples anymore. We slept with our little darling inches away from us, and I wore him in a sling till I ended up at the chiropractor.

We continued this for 1 year, though Nate did get moved to his own room at 4 months, and I was never away from him for longer than 2-3 hours. This is Attachment Parenting a parenting philosophy touted by experts such as Dr. Sears, our own Dr. Spock. It seemed as if all the moms I met were practicing this in some form or another. Our mothers were definitly questioning us, I know my own mom did.

"Are you really going to breastfeed, how will you know if she had enough to eat? Can I just give the baby some water in a bottle? Are you ever going to put the baby down? Do you have a playpen for him?"

I don't want to get into all the details of attachment parenting, but some of its tenets advocate breastfeeding on demand for at least the first year, co-sleeping with your child, wearing your baby in a sling, and soothing your child always, especially at night. Cry-it-out is a no no for APiers. At first this all seems hunky dory, after all, what new mom wants to be accused of not being attached to her baby.

But recently, I have started to analyze API a little more closely, especially as I have 2 children and did not come close to following the theory for Jacob, except for the breast feeding. (Mainly cause money was tight, and breast milk is free!)

So back to my blasphemy about Dr. Sears and my recent disenchantment with our 21st century parenting ideal.

1. Attachment parenting International is a major organization with most cities having their own chapter. These chapters have weekly meetings so the parents (moms) can get together for support. Parenting is tough, and there is nothing better then venting with some friends, but a parenting style should not be so difficult as to necessitate weekly support and counseling.

2. Breastfeeding is awesome and is medically proven to be better for the baby. However, it ties a mother to the baby in a way that does not allow her much freedom. Breastfeeding and working at the same time is a feat of superheroic proportions. Try explaining to your colleagues that you were late for a meeting cause you were sitting in a bathroomstall/tiny closet pumping.

3. Co-sleeping is nice for baby but wreaks havoc on your marriage. In Judaism, husbands and wives may not have intercourse when anyother living creature is in the room with them. I assume this law dates back to pagan rituals and the writers just wanted to ban orgys for the Jews. (darn ;-), but in modern times this means that husbands are often relegated to the guest bedroom for a few months. Not good for a marriage, and not good for a new mom to not even have time to feel like a desirable women by making love with her husband. Ain't gonna happen with a baby in the middle of the bed.

4. Wearing baby in a sling- I ended up with accupuncture, physical therapy & chiropractic visits. Enuf said. Put the baby in the bouncy seat!

5. Never letting baby cry, especially at night. Mothers will either end up as human pacifiers, and baby will never learn to self-sooth. Now, I am not saying I shut my children in their room, leaving them cry, but I did teach them that lying in the dark and learning to go to sleep is o.k.

Never letting them cry is getting taken to the extreme, and I am concerned that we are raising a generation of spoiled, demanding brats. Attachment Parenting teaches the children that their needs are so important and all encompassing that they come first. Moms needs tend to get lost, and we are being told that it is ok. It is NOT ok, moms needs are very important, and sometimes children will just have to wait, even if it means crying.

A friend of mine told me a story recently about her visit to another friends house. This woman had gone shopping with her 10 month old and the baby kept crying in the car seat on the way home. Rather than let the baby cry, the mom put the baby in the sling and hiked the 5 miles home holding the groceries. Good Lord! This is API taken to the extreme, and I think it is ridiculous. The child was not going to die in the car for a 10 minute ride. Better to let him scream for a little bit, then get home & meet his needs.

I have a bit more ranting to do, but I think this is getting too long, so I will end for now and continue my API rant later when I bring up spoiling & spanking. (Yes to the first, no to the second.)