teed- off

I actually wrote a really long and decent post last night, but did not have time to finish it so I saved it as a draft. Somehow, it is missing. I am so bummed I cant think about rewriting it yet, so I will go eat some chocolate instead.

I'm Lovin' it!

So we had a first tonight. We have made it 3 1/2 years without introducing our children to the iconographic American institution that is the Golden Arches, more specifically, the drive-through, and it had been at least 3 more before that since Matt & I had entered a McDonalds.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not an organic, homemade babyfood type of gal. Just this morning, Nate & I split a bag of jelly beans, then licked the bowl of brownie batter. But, we keep kosher so most of the major fast-food chains hold no appeal for us since there is nothing we can eat on the menu. (one exception is Subway, which is a frequent destination for us)

However, tonight, Nate picked a chocolate milkshake for his dessert treat. We were out in Kensington, so I suggested we just swing into MickeyD's for the shake. It just did not occur to Matt & me, until it was happening, that we had just introduced both our boys to the world of fast food.

First we pulled into the 24 hour drive through where we sat like idiots not knowing which speaker to place our order into. Nate was highly curious about this process,

"Is this our parking space?"

Then we pulled around to pay.

"Do we go in now Daddy?"

After paying Matt pulled forward to the next window, then we panicked. Who would deliver the food; had we erroneously pulled up?

"Where's my chocolate milk shake daddy?!?!"

They must have felt the bewilderment coming out of the car since someone came over to reassure us that shakes would be arriving shortly. Speaking of short, when the children's shake arrived it was not small- it was at least 10 oz.

Both boys grasped their cups contentedly and sat back safely beneath their 5 point harnesses and sipped at the sickly sweet concoction, that legally is just called a shake, cause it has no milk. Nate examined his cup.

"Who's this guy?"

"That's Ronald McDonald."

"Who's that"

"uuuuhhhh, a clown. How's your shake?"

I am now officially panicked that the boys will recognize the golden arches and I will have screaming fits begging for milk shakes when I drive by. Then it will only be a matter of time before they notice the menu outside has pictures of chicken nuggets and fries AND toys, usually from their favorite movies. Oy, I guess I am finding an alternative route to River Road, the only McDonalds we regularly drive by.

He Speaketh!

The weather was so beautiful tonight, we all went for a walk after Shabbat dinner. We strolled over to the dog park on Ft. Reno hill. Nate & Matt were at the top of the hill when Jacob began to point and call, "Net, Net, Net!"

I just about fell over. Jacob has a pretty extensive vocabulary and regularly calls Mama & Dada, but had yet to acknowledge his brother by name. We figured it was because Nate has so many alter-egos, Jacob could not figure out whether his name was Superman, Bob, Diego, or Firefighter. He apparently figured it out tonight and vocally made it clear.

I am so happy since I really want the boys to be super close. I always thought it was so cool in highschool when brothers would hang out together. I really want Net & Jake to do that. I am considering forcing them to share a room to induce bonding. I have this naive vision of them huddling in bed-tents and giggling and conspiring against Matt & me. That would be great- I want to promote togetherness.

A New York Minute

We took the kids to New York this weekend, or as Nate calls it, Metropolis. I was curious to see the Manhattan moms and kids in their natural habitat. My perception has been that NY parents are slightly more neurotic and high-strung on parenting. Perhaps I would be too, if I had to pay $30K for preschool.

Some Observations:
1. Other than the more expensive clothes, the Manhattan moms and Upper NW moms were pretty similar. At lunch on the Upper East Side, I sat next to 2 toddlers and their moms. The girls were wearing school uniform like jumpers lined with Burberry trim. At the next table a mom and her toddler were having lunch. She looked very laid back till she got up to leave and pulled on a floor-length mink. No one I know owns or ever wears mink, especially to pick your toddler up from school.

2. Babies and toddlers in NYC see the world from behind a clear plastic curtain. 99% of strollers I saw (the other 1% were tourists) had their children protected with those clear plastic rain hoods. There was not a cloud in the sky the entire time I was there. I wonder what they were shielding their children from.

3. The Children's museum of Manhattan is a very fun place to take your toddlers.

And thus concludes my Metropolis observations. Though, I can't imagine raising my boys in the city. Just running errands like the grocery store is a pain in the arse. DC is a perfect combination of suburban city for me.

Bratty McBrat

Help, my 3 year old has been body snatched and replaced by whirling dervishes on crack. If anyone remembers the movie Gremlins, that is what he reminds me of by the afternoon. He moves with Category 5 Hurricane destructive force towards everything in the house.

I am sitting right now typing amongst a 2 foot high pile of tissues pulled from the box, multiple socks stolen from his baby brother's feet, my previously well-ordered tax forms now in a mishmash pile, a sticky puddle of grape juice (despite the no eating in the living room rule), once clean laundry dumped from the basket, random toys that lost their way from the play room, a monkey hanging from the plant, and muddy red rainboots.

I cannot summon the energy to get up and straighten this mess up, and I clearly did not have the energy to prevent any of the previous from happening. I just couldn't say no and mean it today. Well, I meant no, but I lacked the backbone to back up any consequences, so Nate had another day of ruling the roost. There are days when we click and we are dressed and out the door for adventures, and there are days, like today, when we sit in our pjs all day watching Maisy and eating snacks, not regular meals.

I think it is the best thing about parenting; I am allowed days like today. I won't get fired. I just have to be careful to put my foot down and maintain the parent role more days than I don't. And now I will end this boring post, I just wanted to share some mundane and frustrating details of parenting. My previous posts painted a picture of a mother in total control and doing her job with ease. While I do think I am doing a good job, I know I have my off days- today is one of them.

In totally unrelated news, I was so excited to see all the other moms of young kids at the Oscars last night. Go Reese- mother of two toddlers & Oscar winner; Rachel Weisz, 7 months pregnant & radiant; Jennifer Garner- a few weeks post partum and looking healthy, not like she had a tummy tuck along with delivery.

Cartoon Violence

A new study came out today that states that kids cartoons are more violent than ever. The study seems to feel that today's cartoons with laser and sword fighting are much more damaging than the humorous violence of Wily Coyote and Tom & Jerry.

Luckily my kids are too young to watch the Cartoon Network, which purportedly is the most violent. We are big fans of Sprout and I can always trust that the shows on it are gentle and interesting for my kids.

If anything, I think that some of the networks today are churning out shows that are so anti-violence or anything potentially controversial, they are actually banal, and I don't mean that in a nice way.

Several children's programs that I have watched with Nate recently make me want to gag with their insipidness. One in particular, Disney's Little Einsteins, really bothers me. For one, it cashes in on the whole Baby Einstein product, the videos marketed to parents of infants promising to make your newborns smarter. (Disney purchased the Julie Clark Einstein Company a few years ago)

The Little Einsteins are 4 toddlers that go on adventures, and the whole show is set to classical music and features paintings by famous artists. On one hand, I am all for including classical music and art. On the other hand, I find the 4 Einstein children to be pedantic, insipid, and, worst of all, boring. They have zero sense of humor, unlike another Disney Show, Higglytown Heroes, which makes me laugh with its zany sense of humor and imperfect characters.

I watch TV for entertainment value, and I let my kids watch it so I can get the dishes done, dinner cooked, go to the bathroom, etc... undisturbed. Additionally, I wonder whether parents today are so overly concerned about exposing their children to any negative influence that we over-protect them and shield them unnecessarily. Life is not always a rosy place, and I think kids instinctively know this. Would it be better to relax our guard a little and let some murkiness into their lives, teaching them that they have a safe haven in our protective arms if they need it?

I just don't know, and I find myself grappling with this issue more and more as Nate grows older and his friends and interests grow more out of my direct control.

I know I am about to blashpheme, but I have been feeling it more and more lately, so I'll just say it.

Dr. Sears is old-fashioned and sexist but cleverly disguises himself and his Attachment Parenting theory as a touchy-feely, liberal mother's bestfriend.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I dutifully read "Dr. Sears Baby Book," like all the other UpperNW moms. I ran out & got a doula, and when Nate was born, I roomed-in with my baby at the hospital, never mind the fact that my C-section so debilitated me I could not stand on my own, let alone hold a newborn. I breastfed despite latching problems and pumped when I just could not take the bleeding nipples anymore. We slept with our little darling inches away from us, and I wore him in a sling till I ended up at the chiropractor.

We continued this for 1 year, though Nate did get moved to his own room at 4 months, and I was never away from him for longer than 2-3 hours. This is Attachment Parenting a parenting philosophy touted by experts such as Dr. Sears, our own Dr. Spock. It seemed as if all the moms I met were practicing this in some form or another. Our mothers were definitly questioning us, I know my own mom did.

"Are you really going to breastfeed, how will you know if she had enough to eat? Can I just give the baby some water in a bottle? Are you ever going to put the baby down? Do you have a playpen for him?"

I don't want to get into all the details of attachment parenting, but some of its tenets advocate breastfeeding on demand for at least the first year, co-sleeping with your child, wearing your baby in a sling, and soothing your child always, especially at night. Cry-it-out is a no no for APiers. At first this all seems hunky dory, after all, what new mom wants to be accused of not being attached to her baby.

But recently, I have started to analyze API a little more closely, especially as I have 2 children and did not come close to following the theory for Jacob, except for the breast feeding. (Mainly cause money was tight, and breast milk is free!)

So back to my blasphemy about Dr. Sears and my recent disenchantment with our 21st century parenting ideal.

1. Attachment parenting International is a major organization with most cities having their own chapter. These chapters have weekly meetings so the parents (moms) can get together for support. Parenting is tough, and there is nothing better then venting with some friends, but a parenting style should not be so difficult as to necessitate weekly support and counseling.

2. Breastfeeding is awesome and is medically proven to be better for the baby. However, it ties a mother to the baby in a way that does not allow her much freedom. Breastfeeding and working at the same time is a feat of superheroic proportions. Try explaining to your colleagues that you were late for a meeting cause you were sitting in a bathroomstall/tiny closet pumping.

3. Co-sleeping is nice for baby but wreaks havoc on your marriage. In Judaism, husbands and wives may not have intercourse when anyother living creature is in the room with them. I assume this law dates back to pagan rituals and the writers just wanted to ban orgys for the Jews. (darn ;-), but in modern times this means that husbands are often relegated to the guest bedroom for a few months. Not good for a marriage, and not good for a new mom to not even have time to feel like a desirable women by making love with her husband. Ain't gonna happen with a baby in the middle of the bed.

4. Wearing baby in a sling- I ended up with accupuncture, physical therapy & chiropractic visits. Enuf said. Put the baby in the bouncy seat!

5. Never letting baby cry, especially at night. Mothers will either end up as human pacifiers, and baby will never learn to self-sooth. Now, I am not saying I shut my children in their room, leaving them cry, but I did teach them that lying in the dark and learning to go to sleep is o.k.

Never letting them cry is getting taken to the extreme, and I am concerned that we are raising a generation of spoiled, demanding brats. Attachment Parenting teaches the children that their needs are so important and all encompassing that they come first. Moms needs tend to get lost, and we are being told that it is ok. It is NOT ok, moms needs are very important, and sometimes children will just have to wait, even if it means crying.

A friend of mine told me a story recently about her visit to another friends house. This woman had gone shopping with her 10 month old and the baby kept crying in the car seat on the way home. Rather than let the baby cry, the mom put the baby in the sling and hiked the 5 miles home holding the groceries. Good Lord! This is API taken to the extreme, and I think it is ridiculous. The child was not going to die in the car for a 10 minute ride. Better to let him scream for a little bit, then get home & meet his needs.

I have a bit more ranting to do, but I think this is getting too long, so I will end for now and continue my API rant later when I bring up spoiling & spanking. (Yes to the first, no to the second.)