The dreaded conversation

One of those dreaded moments came a few days ago. My beloved Grandma died. She had been sick for a short time, and in true Bobbie fashion, she went out in her own way, refusing to linger in a sick bed.

Her death meant that we had to face the decision of telling our 3 year old son that his Great-grandmother had died. He was only 22 months when his other great-grandmother died, so we never bothered telling him. We figured he would never ask, but he had a real relationship with Bobbie and had spent the previous week playing in her apartment with her.

I consulted the director at his preschool who gave us a packet of reading and ideas for ways to have the conversation. We discussed putting it off till I was feeling less grief, but I felt it was important to tell him right away. (no idea why)

We figured the conversation would go something like this:

"Nate, we have sad news to tell you."
"What?"
"Remember how Grandma Bobbie went to the hospital because she was sick? Well, the doctors did everything they could to help her, but her body was very sick and her heart stopped working and she died."
"Oh, can we visit her? Where is she? in our backyard? Linny the Wonderpet is a hamster."

That was pretty much how it went, except he focused on it a bit more than expected and asked us to repeat the sad story. Then he told us a Superman story instead of a Wonderpets moment. He saw that I cried as I told him, but it didn't seem to scare him; it just attached a bit more importance to the news I think.

Later in the day, he wanted to hear the sad news again. We told him again, and that we could always remember Bobbie by thinking of a something we had done with her or looking at a picture of her. He then requested to watch our wedding video to see her and wanted drawing paper to draw a picture of her. He did an amazing job on the picture and even captured her earrings that she was never without.

It has been a week since she died and 2 days since we told Nate, and I miss her terribly, but my grief has been eased by being so busy with the boys, I can't stop to focus. But, I dont feel like I am missing a grieving process, because I am sharing with Nate. Just today, he and I baked banana bread, and I told him that Bobbie was the person who taught me how to bake. He replied, "Now we remember her in our minds!"