Fluidity theory- Do NOT read if you are squeamish

So I have a theory that parenting is all about fluid, bodily fluids in particular. It all begins with a little semen, then moves onto a lot of pee and tears during pregnancy, which translates into a lot of water and blood in the delivery. Once your angel is here, you are drowning in tears (yours & the baby's), liquidy poop and spit-up. Oh, and don't forget milk, all over your shirt if you are breast feeding; all over your hands and counters if you're not. Then as your child gets older, you lose the spit-up and the milk, but gain juice everywhere and urine during potty training. You also get some blood as the child grows more daring and active.

I bring this up, because yesterday, I had a bodily fluid day. In fact, I am still cleaning it all up. Jacob, my darling little constipated boy decided to make up for lost time, or rather, dirty diapers. During dinner he had a large liquidy poop that some might label diahrrea (sp?). I waited till after doing the dishes to clean up and allowed him to air dry since he has never gone poop more than 1 every 2 days or so. Silly me. Rookie mistake number 1.

I ran upstairs for a moment to turn on the bath water and when I came downstairs, Jacob was sitting on the steps announcing "sit!" He looked so cute I picked him up and hugged him before I noticed the poop running all over his legs, on the stairs and now all over my chest and arms. Yuck, but wait, it gets worse. Carrying Jacob as far away from my body as possible, I rushed him upstairs to clean him off. While doing this, Nate came running in to tell me the bath was overflowing. He was overstated his case, but it did not stop me from racing in there.

I then brought Jacob back downstairs asking him to show me where he had pooped. I armed myself with a roll of paper towels and heavy duty carpet cleaner spray. He brought me to the stairs and touched the stain on the carpet. I wiped off his hands and sprayed, then he brought me to the next site.

There must be some law like Boyles or Newtons regarding toddlers and poop. It must go something like, "when looking for a place to poop other then in the diaper, toddlers will always aim for a carpet or material that is difficult to wipe down." So obviously, of the 10% of my house that is covered in rugs, Jacob picked the most expensive and had diarreah all over it. Then to make matters worse, he stepped full into it.

Poor little guy, he just looked down and began to sob. I think the full humilation of stepping into your own shit impacted him. He knew it was hard to sink lower than that. I wiped him down with a paper towel, swiped at the carpet then carried him upstairs and threw him in the tub, which was thankfully full.

Finally after the boys were sleeping, I jumped into my own shower and triple-scrubbed myself.